Expert: Caroline West - 3/6/2009

Question
Hi, I'm 19 years old and my exboyfriend is 21. I started dating him back in highschool but he started doing coke and pills which led us to break up. I was always there when he wanted me to come back to him. Well over the past year he was dating someone else and resorted to shooting up heroin and smoking crack. Him and his girlfriend broke up and once again he came back to me and I finally talked him into rehab. He went to rehab for 2 weeks and was clean. One night he decided he wanted to shoot up again and he stopped breathing. He was taken to the hospital and had to be resuscitated. After this he was living in a half way type house. He is 30 days clean but still says he has the desire to shoot up.

He has an addicting personality. He always needs something. He says that he wants to be with me because I am the only thing that has ever stopped him from doing drugs and I will be the only person that he will stop for. If he can get better I would love to be with him. I just don't know if he will get better and it hurts me so bad whether I'm with him or not with him. I feel like he is going to continue to relapse forever and is going to kill himself one day. Is it possible for him to just stop and never use drugs again? If he uses them one more time he's never going to get better. I feel like since he actually stopped breathing and was brought back to life that should have been a life changing experience for him. I'm just so scared to get involved with him again because I can't handle him using drugs like this. I want to be there for him because I want him to get better but I would like to know your opinion. Is it possible for him to get better?

Answer
Hey Lee,sorry for the delay in replying.

It is way too much pressure on you that he says to you that you are the only one that can help him stop using drugs-don't believe that and don't carry that burden,he's taking the responsibility off himself and putting it on to you and that is not right so I want you to stop believing that his drug use and/or stopping is dependent on you.

The mistake people do is go into Rehab for a few weeks/months and they come out and want some more Heroin. So they shoot up the same amount they have always used but then OD because their bodies are not used to that same dose and that is what happened to boyfriend-he is very lucky to be alive because many die in those circumstances.

The reality is that addicts do relapse time after time and the only time they stop is when they get to the point where 'enough is enough' and that point is different for everyone. So for you to be with him you must accept that relapses will occur or do the test that he has to be clean for a whole year before getting involved.

Will he ever get better? I don't know. I've known people that have very successfully come off drugs completely,others that have gone into Rehab 10 X in 10 years and still use when they come out,others who have been clean for years and relapse so it is very difficult to judge and again those that are doing very well.The ones that are doing well are the ones that said enough is enough so boyfriend has to get to that point. For your own good do the one year test-thats protecting yourself from heartache and him proving that he wants to come off drugs and safe gusrding a better future for the pair of you.

I wish you all the best. If you would like to talk about anything else then feel free to write in again. Caroline