Expert: Caroline West - 3/18/2009

Question
I don't know where to start. My son is an alcoholic, smokes weed, take prescription pills and is hurting phisically emotionally and I am now afraid for him. He was 13 when diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He agreed to take zoloft for a while but it was a battle. He is now 21 and I cannot begin to explain what the past few years have been like. He has been in jail twice, has a son, his father and I diviorced, he wrecked his truck and was lifeflighted to ICU. He was recently brutally attacked by his exgirlfriend and family members of hers. They held him down and bit his ear off. He is in pain constantly and I believe is suffering from post traumatic stress. He cannot sleep, he is afraid the legal system will not arrest those involved, he is so angry talks about suicide constantly, he feels hopeless then angry. He hurts hisself by blacking his eyes, he cut his wrist so bad it required stitches. During the attack  they also cracked his veterbrae and has now continiual back pain. He has made threats to retailiate if the law does not charge the individuals who mutulated him. I am so scared. I cannot help. He calls crying and ask me why he is like he is. Why he always chooses the wrong, hard way. I send him money constantly for the neccessities, food clothes and gas. He is so irrational at times then calls to apologize. he has two sisters he loves and misses. I am so scared. The extent of his hatred for others and hisself is so strong. We have a family history of depression and anxiety. His father has never been able to "deal" with him so they are not close. He has a loving family who will help him and support him if he would agree to get help. Help that I do not know how to get. He does not have insurance. We tried seeking state funded help but it was a joke. He finally agreed to see a dr. that I paid for. The doctor sent him out with a prescription of Lithium and joked about taking it with booze. Lithium for someone who has a history of addiction? It seems when he does agree to do something right like see the dr. or let the legal system handle things something weird happens and leaves him even more discourged then before. Then the cycle starts again. Anxiety...drinking....maniac episode...phsically hurting himself by hitting or cutting...apologies and hopelessness. I am so lost, I am so sad I do not know what to do. I am just waiting for that call..the one where he has commited suicide or has hurt someone. The one where I find out he is gone forever. I cannot funtion normally with this fear. Intentional or not he is killing me. My heart breaks for him, I am angry at him for putting his sister's through this. I am afraid for him. I am afraid for me. I feel like I am living in two separate worlds, the one that is seen by others I come in contact with and the one in my head that is filled with the nonstop chatter of fear.

Answer
Hi Bobbie,apologies for the delay in getting back to you,I was actually away and forgot to notify All Experts. I will now do my best to offer you some advice on what to do next in this desperate and urgent situation and my heart goes out to all of you.

The first thing that needs to happen is to keep at the state funded services.Be patient and basically become a nuisance to them by continuously banging on their door,figuratively speaking,until someone listens and does something to help your boy.You have to keep at them with perseverance.It will be hard but they are their to provide a service and you and your family is in need of that so keep going until someone offers satisfactory care and treatment and don't stop until they do.

Its the same with the Legal system.Keep on banging at their door again until they help.One thing that is extremely positive is that your son wants those who hurt him prosecuted and its positive because he is not scared enough of them not to seek help.I'm English and despite the services that are available over here,we all still have to bang on them doors to get proper care and treatment but I appreciate its far more difficult in the States.

I presume he has broken up with that girl-I hope he has and if he hasn't then he must,she is bad news and so is her family to do something so barbaric as what they done to him.I'm pretty sure he can apply for compensation and I would say pursue that before the incidents time lag matures-its 3 years over here but it may be different where you are,but do investigate it as he may indeed get compensation.

As for Lithium-it is a very good drug and its used as a last resort to help those that are the most depressed.As long as he gets his bloods taken and checked regularly while on it he will be ok and you will see a turn around after a few weeks BUT he has to take them and take them properly.Yes he should not drink alcohol with it.Lithium will alleviate the suicidal feelings but he has to take them.They are very good at regulating mood also so next time he is crying to you and feeling suicidal tell him that the Lithium will take away those horrible feelings.Get him to believe they are good for him.

Great that he has a loving family behind him,keep loving him as its important and keep helping him out. He isn't a bad kid but troubled deeply he is and he needs a lot of help.Can you not get in contact with a Mental Health Charity that could provide some help? its well worth digging around what services there are in your area and national services too and they can guide you what to do next.

And you-you are going through such pain and turmoil yourself and,even though you may not see the point of this,I would find some Drug and Alcohol Carers support network in your area too.It will help you a great deal to listen to other mothers and fathers that are going through the same situation.It will then have a knock on effect where it will help you cope better with your son. Do have a think about it.

I won't go into anymore because the most pressing steps are what I have written above and they have to be tackled first.You have enough to go on for now so I won't over complicate things,but once he is out of this acute phase and he gets stable then I will go into more with you on what will be the best subsequent steps if you choose to write in again.

Don't let up with regards to getting him help,keep going,keep persevering and be patient. Your a good Mum and if possible ask him to talk to me,I doubt he will agree but the offers still there.

Best wishes, Caroline