Expert: Caroline West - 4/23/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi I wrote in before.. I was/am involved an addict it has worn me down 2x inrehab 1 od since Feb he is out of my house an direct family life, but obsessive calling beggig. He sais he is in a suboxene clinic.. What are the side effects of tie med. Easter Sunday I agreed to take him to Mass well he was nodding his eyes wre pinned that leaves me to still believe he is still using. I am afraid because he always cries I need some help to do this so I try to be polite and honest but as with any addict he only hears what he wants to hear. I do not hate him I just need some advice on letting him go easy.. Is that wrong?

ANSWER: Hi Christine,

This is the same pattern that happens so often. The non-using partner gets sick of the using partner in the end,tries to break it off and the user then begs,cries the works which is what he is doing to you now. Just to let you know that you are not the only one that this has happened to,its actually very common.

Just to let you know,Subutex has no side effects.Its a substitute for Heroin and its cut down very gradually so what he is experiencing is the withdrawals of coming off the opiates and its not a result of the Subutex.And emotionally he will be all over the place.

I will tell you one thing to do if you really wish to end it with him. Just an example:if someone is calling you all the time and you don't want to speak to them and don't pick up the phone whenever they call,they will give up and stop calling. Now with him it will take a bit longer to get the message across and he will hang on and on but the more times you tell him "no" he will eventually give up pestering you but you have to stick to your guns and not give in. As I said it will take a while longer but if you don't give in and you keep telling him no he will eventually stop calling.

You have seen it yourself at church that he is not off it and lying to you-Subutex would not have those effects so in my mind I have no doubt whatsoever that he had used.

There is no easy way to let him go because he will hang on and wear you down so stay strong and be firm otherwise you will never get rid of him-I had a similar experience with my ex and I know others too who have had this problem.So keep telling him no.

I wish you all the best and if I can help you anymore then feel free to write in again. Keep strong and stay firm. Take care,Caroline.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for you response, He is out I have had coffee sometimes lunch. I find it hard to be mean I always have my guard up and try to explain. There is a good person but the love for his drug is strong. My question is what are the side effects of suboxne I will tell you exactly what I see.. Restrict pupils, excessive sweating, constant hungar,weight loss(after a 10 lb gain after OD)Suboxne having slight opiate in it will it cause some of these? Is it possible to be a friend to an addict? I cant stand the crying begging clinginess I find when I am firm and nice it is easier, I feel so confused and stupid I thank you for letting me bounce maybe these stupi questions off of you. I know the answers are there and just need validation. Why is addiction to herion so extreme?The world it is in is bizaar, I guess you can never weed through all the lies? How do you know so much on this was it just ur partner you delt with? If so how long until u finally broke away? Why is it he says I am so happy ! I havr no thoughts on using.. It is planted. Just goin back to work. Dont want any friends but you .. He goes to the suboxne clinic everyday.. I just dont understand

Answer
Hey Christine, I can answer some of the questions you are asking but to be sure of the real affects of Subuxone you really need to speak with a Drugs Doctor or a Keyworker/nurse who will know the right effects of this drug. I know a little about it but not enough of the medical aspects of it.So instead of the risk of misleading you without accurate info would be irresponsible on my part and I could be do some harm with misinformation so please speak to a medicals professional in the field. I'll help with the other stuff.

*This is a long reply-grab a coffee!*

You asked about me and what I went through so I'll give you a brief rundown. I first tried Heroin when I was 15-it was a one off thing and I picked it up properly when I was 22. Because of that early experience with it I knew it would make me feel better as at this time I was very low. Within 6 months I succeeded a Methadone detox and beat it- then....I met my ex. I really did love him but he was shooting speed. Being back around drugs made me start on Heroin again and we both became users. It was a nightmare to say the least and we stayed together about 3.5 years. Ultimately I had to break up with him because I wanted to get clean and he didn't so it was a very painful split. It took me a very,very long time to get over him because I did want to be with him so desperately but not with the drugs-he didn't want to quit so I had to split. I still think about him as even though we would never ever get back together I still appreciate much of the help he gave me.

I heard every excuse going so thats how I know what all you ladies are going through when it comes to having an addict as a partner. I too was a user so I also know all the tricks from an addicts point of view aswell! I also have many friends and acquaintances that I see going through the same,standard experiences and there are many 'typical' similarities.

Addicts aren't bad people-its what the bad things drugs make them do. It is a bizarre world and a horrible one at that and I pray each day never to go back to that life ever again. Its not a nice place to be mixed up with and can be very risky and even dangerous-but its the drugs that makes addicts stay in it. Heroin,from what I understand-and again your better off finding the exact effects of it from a professional but I'll tell you my take on it. It works on the brain by stimulating and increasing natural 'feel good' chemicals in our brains which we all have ,but the Heroin heightens that a great deal which is the reason many keep going back to it. Once the heroin wears off the mood drops and the user needs a next fix to feel good again. They can no longer get that natural high. Then the user has to take more and more to reach that high so tolerance comes in which could be fatal and can lead to over dose. It starts with 'wanting' the drug and then very rapidly comes to 'needing' the drug. Also the uncomfortable feelings of being addicted are terrible and that makes the user want to score again.

It is a bad place to be in and the majority of users want out but they can't because they are physically and mentally addicted. Even a Methadone/Suboxone therapy just takes the withdrawals away but they don't give that 'high' like heroin so thats why so many find it hard to give up,dealers know this.

I know how hard this is for you and you sound like such a sweet and kind lady that genuinely cares about her boyfriend. Its hard and you don't want to be mean,I understand that,but you must,must think about yourself too and whats best for you,your current life and your future life to come. Regardless of how upset he gets he needs to sort himself out and get help and make a commitment to stick with it. Heroin addiction can be beaten but I won't lie to you,it isn't easy. Give him the one year test. If he manages to get on a Suboxone/methadone treatment plan,overcomes the detox and remains clean for a whole year,then have him back when he is ready to start building a life with you. You can't do that now because every part of his money will go on Heroin and I promise you that so do the one year test.

I hope I have been of some help. Do speak to the professionals about 1) Suboxone side effects and how it works and 2) the exact way Heroin effects the mind and body. I wish you all the best and if you want to write in again then feel free and I hope it all works out for you. Take care, Caroline.