Expert: Gareth Stubbs - 4/4/2009

Question
I have a friend who used to be so happy and fun all the time. She started
doing drugs about two years ago and ever since she's changed to the
complete opposite. She's always depressed and in bad moods. She cuts
herself too. Recently she went through a "rough patch" She used to only do
weed and pills and acid. Now she's injecting heroin too, to take away her
pain. She's getting into fights, stealing and skipping school. She's gotten way
out of control. She's been in hospital a few times because of drugs and I'm
worried she's going to go way overboard and overdose one day. All of her
friends want to help her but nobody knows what to do. We have tried
speaking to her but she doesn't listen. Please help us, before it's too late.

Answer
Hey Mariah,

Having had friends do the same, and having also been that friend in the past, my heart goes out to you right now because it is a very difficult thing to see someone that you love going through something like this.

When we use drugs, we lose control over what is perceived as "normality" and we behave in ways that is very hard to understand when you look in on it - we put our bodies through terrible things to get the fix that we are looking for. More often than not, drug use arises as a result of something that has gone on in our lives or a need that we want to fulfil. It also starts out being something fun and different to do, and one day we see that it is out of hand and we are caught up in full blown addiction, do things that we probably would not have done before, and to me, it sounds like this may have happened to your friend. I cannot say why she started but can only offer my experience.

There are a few ways that you could approach the situation, but there is on thing that I need to impress upon you - a person will only stop doing drugs when they realise what they are doing and when they want to - knowing this makes it a little easier to deal with in some ways.

There are groups that you could talk to that have been through stuff like this and that can help you get an insight into something called and intervention - this is where the addict is sat down and confronted by people who genuinely care about her and they express how they feel in the hope that it gets them to realise what is happening. It does need to be done in a loving way as she would be very defensive so if anyone "attacks" her it may have the wrong effect which is why I would suggest getting some advice on it from somewhere like Narcotics Anonymous (they should have a group called Naranon which is for families of addicts) or groups like that.

If you feel it is out of hand, you could get a doctor to put her into "forced" treatment which may make her stop. I know that this worked for me as I landed up in hospital in a coma for 7 days and woke up literally tied to a bed - where I was they did not have formal rehab facilities so I guess it was the best they could do. Being forced to face my situation and deal with it was something I was very angry about at first, however, I look back now and believe it is one of the best things my family and friends could have done for me because if I had been found half an hour later than they did, I would not be here today, and even when I was in the coma, the doctors and staff were not sure that I was going to make it. So sometimes now, when I do work with families, I would say that this is my preferred "option" especially when there is a history of hospital visits and the like.

I hope that this has given some help, and if you need anything more, or someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to get back to me and I will be more than happy to help where needed.

The main thing as well is to stay as positive as you can about the whole situation - remember your friend for what she was like and what she can be like again, rather than focusing on the negative way she has become - remember that she is sick and just needs to get better - this positive take on it can also give you the courage to be stronger and that can have a powerful impact on her.

Take care

Gareth