Expert: Gareth Stubbs - 4/12/2009

Question
Hi!

So I have a few questions.  I just started dating a former drug addict, he's been clean for over 5 years and doing great.  We're very open about our needs and emotions, it seems he's definitely done some work to help get to the root of his addiction.  I've had my own past issues with drug use and have gone to a hypnotherapist for off and on for many years. Also I've been on anti-depressants for 5 years now and its changed my life for the better.

My challenge is that I still drink wine and love to go to a nice dinner and share a bottle with friends, whatever.  By no means do I 'over do it' and neither do the group of people I hang out with.  I don't care if he chooses not to drink, but I'm wondering if this could be a negative influence on him?  Does kissing me if I've been drinking create a craving on his part? He says when he goes out he just has a redbull and soda and its no big deal if other people are drinking in front of him but, I just want to know if there are things I can do to support him but still enjoy myself. What can I do? Plus, I want him to be able to enjoy the company of my friends without putting him at risk.

Any advice would be great!

Answer
Hey Alicia,

By the sounds of it, you guys have a really understanding relationship and things are going well. Both you and your partner seem to have an understanding of the recovery process and are both very aware of the problems that could happen, and this is always a very good place to start.

Regarding his cravings, only he would be able to answer that, but based on my own personal experience in this, if he is dedicated to staying the way that he is with his recovery, then he knows what he can tolerate and i do not see it being a problem. For recovering addicts, the fact that people are always going to drink is going to be around forever and the only way we deal with that is by working on ourselves. We cannot remove ourself from the world and we cannot stop having a good time, so I would opnely suggest to you that if he says that he is OK and enjoying himself, then I would take his word for it. When you worry (which is not a bad thing, dont get me wrong) it could have a negative impact as he may feel that you do not trust him or something like that, and it could end up ruining both of your chances for having fun. Supporting him would be just to remain the way that you are, enjoy yourself when you are out with friends but if you feel yourself getting out of hand, or if he mentions he feels slightly edgy, do not make more of it than it is if you know what I mean ?

I hope that this has helped in some way and if you need any other info, please do not hesitate to get hold of me and I will be more than happy to help out.

Take care

Gareth