Expert: Gareth Stubbs - 5/28/2009

Question
Hi,

My boyfriend was using H for 9 years.He was using a lot per day (16g). his whole life was about H. He didn't have a social life other than planning how to get high with a group of addict friends. we he first used the drug, he was at age 17. At 26, he decided to stop. he was on Subutex (buprenorphine) for 3 years. he resumed his life, went to university and got graduated. He got a job and actually he's doing fine.he cut all contacts with the addict group.as of today, he's 4 years and a half clean. But there's one more issue which could possibly destroy him and might put him back on using H again: Mood swing; at a moment he's so happy with his life and has self contentment. suddenly, he's depressed, down, craving for H and can't stop himself. he becomes aggressive, he usually calls me to calm him down but sometimes he doesn't, instead he calls his old friends and he smoke hash or mari. Lately, he decided to stop smoking but the thing is that craving for H is getting so intense and yesterday he almost had a relapse. We both talked to his psy (he’s been following up on him for 3 years) about this, he told me that it is perfectly normal to smoke hash or mari, no issue about it taking in consideration the duration he was addicted to H. About the cravings, he can’t do anything.
Well, I am asking help cos every day is a fight. He didn’t have this issue before, it’s weird how H craving can still exist after so many years of abstinence.
Another issue to mention, we’re getting married in few months, and this might be one of the causes: we’re facing too much problems- financial, family, house-
In fact, whenever he faces a more or less important problem, he gets down and crave immediately for H. even if I get sick and can’t be around or if he’s too much concerned about a problem I’m facing, he craves for H.
I don’t know what to do to help him. I am out of solutions and ideas especially in moments when he becomes so weird, he disappears for few days and I find out that he’s been drinking too much (more than 2 bottles of whisky) with his old friends. When he wakes up, he asks me to forgive him cos he did this to himself but he says that he still have the brain of an addict and sometimes he can’t control himself and he needs to get high so he uses alcohol, mari and hash instead. After this, he gets back on the good track again for few more weeks.

Please note when he was on subutex, craving was a minor issue. He had a hard time stopping subutex- each time he stops; he craves for H. eventually he stopped. But after few months, craving for H appeared again and living with it until now.
His doc says no need for subutex anymore.

I’m really out of solution, i don’t know what to do to help him. I’m afraid he gets back to H again.

Please I really appreciate any suggestion or guidance.

Thx  a lot

Pat  

Answer
Hey Pat,

Thanks so much for taking the time to write in and my sincere apologies for the delay in getting back to you - I have not had much time at my computer in the last few days due to working face-to-face with some people, and I hope things are going OK with you.

Mood swings are very common in recovering addicts and one that is quite hard to explain, however, as I read on and saw that there are some pretty big changes coming up, that made it all the more easier. Change is always a stressful thing for anyone, no matter where you are in life, and marriage is one of the big ones, and sometimes, like you have said, it is the smallest things that can make us crave what we used to turn to in times of stress. The fact that he is being open and honest with you is amazing - to me it truly shows that he is aware of what is going on and is making every effort to deal with the things going on.

I am making a big assumption here, and this is based on my own personal experience. After I had been clean for a while, I got into a pretty serious relationship after being divorced and all that sort of stuff. Inside, I began to panic as I knew that I did not want to screw things up again and I knew that I was a recovering addict. Every now and then, I did have terrible mood swings that made me crave drugs so much, I would then do something stupid and then apologise and so it went on. I was so afraid to let my partner down because I wanted her to see that I was doing OK that it really held me back. One day, we sat down and she spoke to me openly and honestly and told me how much she cared about me, and how much she supported me and wanted it to work out - hearing this made me realise that I was creating my own stress because I was "trying" so hard, rather than taking the time to enjoy our relationship. I dont know if that offers any help or advice, but maybe try and speak with him that way - it sounds like you do have a very close relationship as it is, but maybe just reasurring him, and yourself, that you both know what is going on.

Regarding the medication, unfortunately I cannot really make a comment on that one, however, there are alternative therapies that can help a huge amount in this, and that is how I work with some of the people I help. Hypnotherapy and stuff like NLP can make huge differences as they help us to create natural physical alternatives to using medication and the like and are proving very very successful in the treatment of withdrawal and cravings. Think of if like this - you see that you are getting moody and then you do something that instantly changes the way that you feel, or you get a craving and instead of turning to drink or something like that, you have something else. That is a brief explanation, but there are people that can help you with this.

I hope this has given you some advice, so please feel free to come back to me if you need any more information.

Take care and I hope everything goes well.

Gareth