Expert: Caroline West - 5/8/2009

Question
Hi, my 22yr old is in rehab for herion. He asked me to take him because he wants to stop. he is even paying for the treatment himself. My question is... How do I treat him when i visit him. I miss him so much. Must I hide my true feelings or just be hard faced.

Answer
Hello Gafilda,I am extremely sorry for this terrible delay in responding to you,sending apologies.

I think its brave and courageous on your sons part to admit he needs help and is paying for treatment. If he wasn't serious about quitting then he wouldn't be putting himself through this. He may not succeed so be prepared for that. I say this because while Rehab is a place where someone can get clean time and self insight its not a magic cure,he has to have complete conviction if he is to be successful.

For many addicts it can take several attempts at quitting before they finally do it. This is because of the harsh reality of the world of addiction. It took me many,many efforts to quit Heroin but each time I tried and succeeded however short a time,it still made me stronger and closer to the finish line but even then an addict,however long they have been clean,cannot become complacent as relapses can occur even after years of being clean. What I am trying to say is that its an ongoing process and change of lifestyle-there are many components to addiction-its not clear cut.

Regarding your visits I would say don't be firm and hard faced. Show him love,care,compassion and support. I promise you that this is the best way to do it because if you don't then the job of him getting clean would be much harder. Love always wins. Don't critisize him or make negative comments as that won't get either of you anywhere-open up to him,show him you love him and that he is cared about.

Deep down in the majority of addicts hearts is a longing for love and care especially from their parents. In the drug world there is no love.No care.No support and no friendship. Its a cruel,harsh,dangerous and hard hearted world,no one loves you in that world-every addict/dealer is out for themselves and I can tell you that he is not happy and by checking himself into Rehab he wants out and I can't blame him. Life is much nicer out of it though its hard at the beginning to adapt but well worth it. So...show him as much love as you can-he needs you.

I wish you all the best and if you would like to ask me about anything else then feel free to write in again. Good luck, Caroline.