Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 5/29/2009

Question
Hi my name is Dee.  A couple of months ago I met a new guy and quiet quickly we feel in love.  He told me after the first couple of dates that he was a recovering addict and had been clean for the past 18 months.  Iam so proud of him the way he has turned his life around but sometimes I do find it difficult to have to share him.  What I mean by that is he needs to be around his friends, which I understand, and of course I understand he needs to go to meetings and help others.  Which he feels keeps him solid.  However, I can't help feeling abit neglected at times and very far down his list of priorities.  I hold back telling him my problems because I don't want to burden him.  Also he told me that one of his closest friends told him to be careful because Iam not an addict and am strong and together and I will drop him very easily.  This really upsets me because I feel Iam being judged unfairly because Iam not an ex addict.  I really don't know how to handle this situation.  I love my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him but I have needs too.  Can you advice me how I should tackle this issue and talk to my boyfriend without alienating him.  Thank you.

Answer
Dear Dee,

Living wit an ex-addict is not easy, unless they have been in proper therapy. The best way to handle this is trying to understand the causes of addition and how to recover from this. It is not a matter of will-power, but rather of health. If he is a fully recovered addict, he should be able to fully commit to you and not be dependent on outside friends in order to feel well and healthy. Addiction is not so much a "mental" problems as it is a physical problem.

Please read the following articles:

Why Alcoholics Drink? at
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/WAD.html

Addiction (Alcoholism) is a Treatable Disease at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/alcoholism_treatable.pdf

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm...

I advise you to both study:

Summary of the self-help psychotherapy course at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/self-help_personal_growth.html#PSYCHOTHE...

in its entirety. It looks at biological as well as "pychological" factors that helps a person to achieve their full potentials. After eliminating biological handicaps, it concentrates on the self-image as being at the core of one's personality affecting most departments of life, social interactions with others and includes an assertiveness training program, articles on communication leading to significant relationships and values clarification. It gives an insight into oneself as well as of other people, providing one with the tools to establish satisfying relationships.

It helps you to understand how other people think.

He whole course is also covered in my book: "Getting off the Hook" which is freely available on the internet.

I hope I have been of some help, and if you have any more question please don't hesitate to write again.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman