Expert: Caroline West - 5/25/2009

Question
WHAT DO I DO~~~My son is 21 and is using heroin, oxycotin, xanax, methadone, smoking crank etc.  His father is currently staying with me to get on his feet. He is taking oxy-cotin for a back injury that has him completely disabled.  My son is taking 11 methadones at a time, he has taken 29 xanax at one time,  I am going crazy.  I have had him arrested twice, once for stealing my car and once for assault on his dad, I actually called an ambulance and they sent the police also because they heard the arguing. HE shoved his dad as the officer walked up to the house.  I am going crazy, Please how do I make the madness stop@@@.  Someone help me, I am going under and unable to function daily. I feel like I am being sucked dry. I cant even get mad to prevent and keep my safety, I am exhausted. I have a 16 year old son that is perfect and very anti drug.  We are scared, frustrated, saddened, pissed off.  Please make the madness go away.... it hurts so much. And my son or his dad doesnt think he has a problem. HELP!!!

Answer
Hi Sharon luv,I hear your desperation and I'll try and help although I will say now that there is no simple answer but there are certain measures you can take to make the situation a little easier to cope with.

I am very confused by what you wrote at the end that your Husband TOO doesn't think your son has a problem,have I read this correct?? nonetheless I will go by what YOU say and try and help and I will go with the premise that your Husband does know your son has a problem as its a bit strange if he thinks he doesn't so maybe you just worded it wrong..

Your son definitely has a problem. All those drugs he is using are all addictive and he is hooked on them and he is not taking prescribed medicines as he should with reference to the amount of Methadone tablets he is taking.This is a problem.

I am very understanding of how you feel and this is a problem that won't go away over night so I recommend you get some help too in regards of joining a group for families of addict children/relations. This will help you to see your not alone and get some much needed support and your Husband go along too. Get some relaxation CD's,get some daily exercise,pamper and treat yourself. Why? you are asking and its because these things will go towards helping YOU to cope in this difficult situation and relax you and ease some of the sheer frustration you are experiencing.As I said,your sons recovery/drug use won't go away over night so doing these things will benefit you a great deal and help you to cope better otherwise I wouldn't suggest them to you-its making the best of a situation.

The reality is that addicts only stop when they are ready to and no amount of talking to,getting him arrested is going to work until he admits he has a problem and makes an effort to stop. I know this is not the news you were hoping for from me but I have to be realistic with you. He is young so he may 'grow out of it' and you have to give it time. Its totally unacceptable that he pushed his dad and I would suggest you consider asking him to leave and let him get a taste of life out there which could well catapult him back to you his parents and make an effort to quit. Its radical but it may work.

Do get help and support for yourself by contacting your local Drug and Alcohol Service to see if there is a group you can join for family members. Also don't give your son a penny/cent and make him pay 'rent' and money towards the bills. Get him to start taking responsibility for himself and it will shock him but do give it a go and be firm in this.Don't keep any of your money lying around the house. Keep it all in a bank account and make him pay his way.

This is the best premilinary advice for now that I can give you and if you would like more in depth advice and chat then you are more than welcome to write in again and I'll continue to offer support.Good luck,do the ideas I have given you and I wish you all the best. Take care,Caroline