About Gareth Stubbs Expertise Given that I am not a “medical professional” I cannot answer questions on medication and the like, however, I can offer my experiences thereon. I am able to offer answers to questions on the effects of most drugs (street and prescription) as well as advice regarding halting the use of and recovery from active addiction, which plays a very important role in the recovery process as well addressing underlying issues and reasons as to why drugs and the like are abused. I am also able to address any questions regarding dealing with depression, suicide and self-harming, recovery from these and advice on creating a different lifestyle without these afflictions. I can also answer questions from families, friends and partners of drug users and depressed persons, and in addition to this, I have a very good understanding of the 12-step recovery program.
Experience With a long history of severe clinical depression, self-harming and substance abuse (since the age of 12) I “successfully” managed to lose all that I owned (marriage, home, children) as a result of suicide attempts, numerous hospital visits and severe drug use for 18 years, ranging from street to prescription drugs. I am now about to enter my 8th year free from substance and depression and my 4th year free from cutting myself. I know what it is like to be suicidal and in the grips of active addiction and self harm, how difficult it appears to reach out to people for help, and at the same time, I know how I managed to free myself from the lifestyle and how I continue to create a happy life without the use of medication and constant therapy and the like
Education/Credentials Life Change Consulting, Master Practitioner of NLP, Advanced Neurological Repatterning, Ericksonian Hypnosis, Master Hypnosis, Performance Consultant, Master Result Coach, as well as a Masters Degree in Life Experience.
Past/Present Clients Have spoken to school and groups (ages 12-16), ranging in size from 50 to 200 attendees at a time, as well as speaking to parents of school children. Have also worked one-on-one with young adults with successful and continuing results. Currently working on creating and presenting a development program encompassing all areas of change in lifestyle, as well as a magazine and book publication.
Addiction to Drugs - my bf is addicted herion and i dont know what to do
Expert: Gareth Stubbs - 6/21/2009
Question hi my name is racheal. my bf and me have been together for 2 years. i never had this strong of a connection with someone in my life. he supported me an stuck by me when no one else did encouraged me to go back to school and get my ged an go nursing school. we have been through so much homeless no one in my family talked to me becasue they didn't want me to be with him. he has a drug problem about a year ago i told him that he either goes to rehab or I'm leaving him. he went to rehab for 2 weeks but the day he got out he went back to doing the same shit. after that we got are own apt and he told me that he didn't want to do drugs anymore and he love me but he was quiting becasue he wanted to for himself. so he quit on his own an layed around for 3 weeks an took perks to help wing him off to nothing. he was going really good. no one talked to us or anything living in the apt it was just us everyday. i lost my job an we had to move he moved back with his dad and i moved back with mine. now its like he don't even want to see me anymore. he says that he started taking pills but i know he is doing more then just pills he hangs out with all the same people an is gone everyday from morning until night he don't call me all day or anything he comes just down the street from me and don't even try to see me. the one day i seen him i he asked me for money an i told him no an he got out of the car an said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore. all the money that he makes is for drugs now and he never gives me anything an always want me to give him money all the time. it made me feel like shit an that was the only thing he wanted from me. i have tryed so hard to help him. i would do anything for him but i will not buy him dope no matter how sick he is he says that i don't care becasue of that. i want to be with him so bad i love him with all my heart and we have been through everything together. he wants to get apt together but I'm not so sure i do. i want to go back to school and if i live here i can with out having a full time job and have to worry about paying bills. he said that if we get one he will quit doing dope an pay for everything. I'm only 18 and he is 30 i don't really think age matters but i know i have my whole life ahead of me. i hate being alone an if i break up with him i know that I'm not going to want to be with anyone else for a really long time.
i don't know what to do can you please HELP ME????????
Answer Hey Racheal,
Thank you so much for writing in and sharing this with me.
Being in a relationship is never an easy time and I have been on both sides of them. The first time was when I was married - I wanted to get clean and tried and tried, promised and promised and even though I loved my family very much, for some reason, I just was unable to and broke promises many times. It was not until my ex-wife had had enough and kicked me out of the house that I was able to begin to get my life back on track and only after losing everything.
A few years later, I then met someone that I cared about very deeply and soon found out that they were on drugs. She would go a few weeks being OK and then would start again, and every time she promised that she would stop. I loved her very deeply and it was a very difficult situation to be in, but I could not be around someone like that because it was affecting my life. I decided that I had to end the relationship which took me some time but I had to do it as she would not stop no matter how many promises she made.
To me in my heart, there are only 2 options really. Either they stick to their promise and get clean by looking for help and going to meetings and that sort of thing, or we have to make a hard decision and end the relationship because we cannot afford to have this in our lives.
If you maybe find a Naranon Meeting, you will be able to speak to someone there who knows how to deal with family members and partners that have problems like these and they can also give a lot of helpful advice which is what I found in the past.
You also need to tell him that this is not making you happy and that you are not prepared to carry on like this and as hard as it is for you, you need to stand by your decision.
I am sorry if this sounds a little harsh but sadly, it is a very difficult situation and sometimes we have to be hard because it does affect our lives very badly.
Let me know how it goes and if you need someone to speak to, please feel free to write in and I will be more than happy to listen or offer advice where possible.
