Expert: Jacqui - 6/16/2009

Question
After  having survived testicular cancer just to become addicted to prescription drugs, our son used crack for the  first time beginning in April 2007.  By July, he was dead.  Why is it that some can be long time users and survive and yet some like our son, go from being a hard working professional and dedicated father and husband to giving up everything for the addiction? After almost two years I am still so puzzled by it all.

Answer
Hi Kierstin,

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is indeed a tragedy that someone who has gone through so much, didn't make it.  

There are a lot of reasons why some people may be affected greatly by drug use and others aren't.  Some of it is due to chance, and some due to other factors.  Unlike opiate use, overdose is not the most common reason for someone using crack to die.  I am unsure as to what actually happened with your son, and you may not wish to disclose this.  However, there are, of course, other things that may affect someone detrimentally, other than overdose.

The use of some drugs in society is legal, and others illegal.  Sometimes their legal status can contribute to mortality, and sometimes it doesn't.  For example, people die from alcohol use (liver cancer, car accidents, fights) and it is largely legal (although controlled), whereas people die from things like HIV related to lack of access to clean injecting equipment.

Of course I cannot definitely say why your son so tragically lost his life.  I am sure you have gone over this a thousand times in your mind and may have not been able to come up with an answer.  We may never know ... and you may find that there are a multitude of factors.  Unfortunately, because crack is illegal, users often get involved in activity that puts them at risk, and puts them in touch with people who may not have the same respect for human life as everyone else.  

One thing that is important to remember is that it is unlikely your son chose to give up everything.  He was struggling with a dependency in an environment that makes him a criminal for what is essentially a health problem.  He still loved you, he still loved his children.  It is important that you remember this.

Finally, I would like to check that you are getting the support that you need.  Whilst it has been two years, it is obvious that there are still significant issues for you.  You may never get over his death, but you may be able to be more accepting of it, and be able to remember him as the dedicated family man and loving son that he was.  Do you have someone who you can call on for support.  This can either be informal (friends who are not affected by his death so much themselves) or formal (a counsellor, priest, social worker).  Sometimes people find it very useful to make contact with "peer support" which in your case would be other people who have been through the same thing.

I know I haven't answered your question, and I don't think that anyone can.  However, I hope that you are able to find peace.  I would encourage you to think about finding some support if you haven't done this so far.  

Best wishes,

Jacqui