Expert: Jacqui - 6/11/2009

Question
When i met my partner he told me he used to have an ice addiction which lasted for 6 months. He also told me he used to inject ice. I dont know alot about drugs, and was greatful for his honesty. But the other night we were getting ready to head out and i walked in on him shooting up. I freaked out and left. He is now telling me that he only uses now and then and its not an issue. His excuse is that he has a full time job, pays his rent on time and it isnt affecting his life. And that he will give it up if it means being with me. From what I can gather from what iv read up on is that he will jus do it behind my back. What i want to know is - Is it possible to have a drug addiction and just give it up like that, and can you have an addiction and still lead a normal life as he appears to be doing? - im really confused and dont want to waste my time on someone that is well an addict and wont change

Answer
Hi Carly,

Unfortunately with the way that drug use is stigmatised in society, it isn't unusual that your partner didn't want you to know about his use.  Perhaps first ask yourself what particularly bothers you.  In some respects, you could see occasional amphetamine injecting to be only a bit different to someone who goes out and has a few drinks with mates ... i.e.: there are risks with both.   Also, you have asked whether it is possible to have an "addiction" and lead a normal life, but having seen him injecting once, doesn't mean he has an "addiction", although he might well have ... or he might just use occasionally.

The way that me and many others view illegal drug use, is about the potential harms, and not judging the use itself.  Humans have used drugs for millenium, and are unlikely to stop.  I would hope that he is taking steps to reduce the likelihood of any harms, such as making sure he only uses clean injecting equipment, and making sure he gets enough to eat and drink (non-alcoholic)and also enough sleep.

You must also remember that he isn't using to antagonise you.  It sounds like it has been a part of his life for a while.  If you give him ultimatums about stopping, then it may just push him away.

I think that the main issues are whether or not his use is going to affect your relationship and his health.  You might want to speak to him. Start by making it clear that you dont' want to judge him, and you understand that some people like some drugs and some like others.  Then, perhaps you could just let him know that you want to make sure he is looking after himself, and that you still have time together when drug use doesn't happen.  

It is up to you whether you are in a relationship with someone who uses drugs.  However, as I said, it is important to ask yourself why you are worried.  Is it because of the posters that the government puts up (which are hugely hysterical, and take it from someone who works in the drug sector, seen as being a long way from reality) or is it something else?  

The main thing is ... if you love this guy you love him.  If it does get too much, and he develops a problem, then it will be up to him to deal with it, with or without your support.  But from the information you have given me ... he is using occasionally, pays rent, works full time.  Actually, I just had a picture in my mind about a girl walking in on President Obama when he was in college and finding him bent over a line of cocaine, and thinking "I don't want to waste my time on him".  

The main thing is to ask yourself, does this affect our relationship?

Best of luck and if there is any other information you would like, please let me know.

Jacqui