Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 6/7/2009

Question
My fiance of nearly 2 1/2 is currently in his 8th treatment center.  He's at a half way house in Atlanta and will continue on to a 3rd quater house.  His crack addiction has left me mentally, physically, spiritually exhausted.  He typically will relapse 1 weekend out of the month and then he stays completly sober abstaining from alcohol, prescriptions pills and so forth.  Without any warning signs he would disappear while I was either asleep, at work, or out with friends.  On most of the crack binges he would only have about $20 on him, yet managed to get high for 2days.  He would never answer the phone, it would either be dead, turned off, or on silent.  I would go through so many emotions, from being extremly angry down to worry of if he is alive.  When he was finished he would just come home, like nothing ever happened.  He would never tell me where he had been, who he had been with, and how he manged to stay out with basically no money.  Finally, I managed to get a confession out of him two months ago.  He told me that for the past 3 years he had been having unprotected anal sex with his fathers best friend, who is gay, and was once considered a mentor to me.  I was dumbfounded, never would I think my fiance would stoop so low to sell himself and much less to such a close family friend.  I basically had a mental breakdown as a result of this and sought treatment in order to cope.  My fiance and I didn't speak for nearly 60 days due to his treatment regulations.  That was time that I needed to really sort things out and get away from my anger.  We now talk on a daily basis, and I'm still madly in love with him.  I do feel that he is my soul mate and I know that the monster crack made him was not the man I was in love with.  He assures me that he wants nothing to do with this man, no communication or anything.  I just am so oblivious to why a straight man would have anal sex with another man unprotected and for money if he wasn't gay or if he didn't actually enjoy it.  To me I would think that this would have only been a few time occassion, not a 3 year affair if there were no feelings or emotions there.  If I do stay, how long before I decide to move back with him.  I have thought at the least a year of sobriety, but I still have doubts about his true sexuality.  Will he continue to be a man on the down low regardless of if he relapses or not.  Help I've NEVER even heard of a situation like this and hate that it's me posting this question.  Is there anyone else who has been through something similar?

Answer
Dear ashlee,

The reality is that a drug addict will remain so unless he is treated for his addiction. Addiction is not a psychological disease but a physical disease that is difficult to treat. You have to understand the nature of addiction and its causes, because you can treat it. I can help you to understand by getting you to read articles on the subject.  Please read:

Why Alcoholics Drink? at
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/WAD.html

Addiction (Alcoholism) is a Treatable Disease at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/alcoholism_treatable.pdf

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm...

Silent Diseases and Mood Disorders at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/silentdiseases.html

Depression is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/depression_disorder.html

Self-Help Personal Growth Program at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/self-help_personal_growth.html

and ask to be referred to a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or Nutritional Psychologist.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman