Expert: Jacqui - 6/6/2009

Question
hi. after begining our relationship at 17 my partner + i both aged 36 have been together 19 years now. we have 3 beutifull babies aged 12,9 + 20months.  3 years ago my partner began his relationship with herion, now day its $150 to $200 everyday. he is a baker and can work 10 to 12 hours 5 nights a week. he is lucky to eat a meal a  day id say if at all. how do u make desitions, how do u standstrong with what u want when uhave no suport network. because he was it
i am finding it really hard to do this. but i no i need 2 do something. why does ya own internal battle end.

Answer
Hi Saibe,

Being in a relationship with someone who has a dependency to a substance can be incredibly trying.  In your case, this is made more difficult because heroin is very expensive because it is illegal.  

From your email I assume that you don't have a group of people you can call on for support around this.  As a start, perhaps you could tell me which state you are in, as there are peer support organisations in Australia that can help.  When I say "peer", they are often made up of family and friends of people who use drugs.  There is a very good one in NSW (Family Drug Support) and there is also one in Victoria (Family Drug Help).

You must also remember that your partner is not doing to to antagonise you.  It sounds like you have had a great relationship and really love each other.  Unfortunately it will be up to him to make any decisions about whether he wants to stop or significantly cut down his use to a more manageable level, as people who are forced into treatment by others often don't do as well as people who seek treatment themselves.  I know it sounds obvious, but have you spoken to him?  I guess if you do decide to tell him that this is bothering you, you will need to focus on concrete things.  If you just tell him you don't like him using heroin in general he may well think you are just being judgemental and, well it is okay for everyone else to have a beer, so why can't he use his drug of choice?  If it is particularly the money then focus on that, and perhaps you are worried that he could be at risk of overdose or other harms related to drug use.  

I hope that this helps.  Please let me know if there is any other information that might be helpful.  If you let me know what state you are in I can track down some support networks for you.

Best of luck

Jacqui