Expert: Crystal - 7/16/2009

Question
My Boyfriends & also the father of my 2 yr old daughter is addicted to OxyCotton.  We recently moved to a small town out of province because my boyfriend got a high paying job here.  He had this addiction before we moved here but stopped because the job required a drug test.  However now were here and the addiction is worse than ever! He usually stops doing them for a few days then unexpectedly spends a large amount of money on them which is scary because  we have a daughter to provide for.  He lies about everything and denies spending our money until I pull out the bank statements. At that point he turns it around on me and says I'm digging for something to be angry about and I shouldn't complain because hes providing for us . Its hard for me to take the money and control it because hes the bread winner and I'm a stay at home mom, so he always gets the final say or sneaks away and does it anyway.  I'm running out of patience with him and beginning to feel very stressed out. I want him to get help but where were in a small town and his job has a no drug policy its scary to seek medical advice. He says he wants to quit but i honestly don't know how to help him anymore. I love him so much and it hurts so badly to see him slowly killing himself. I notice major changes in his behavior and actions because of the drugs. Help I don't know where to turn! and its hard for me to relate to him because I've never been addicted to drugs and after the on and off use i cant help but think its a cry for attention (which I'm probably wrong)
Thanks

Answer
Alisha,

Addiction is addiction and it is always out of control, especially when it is a narcotic. More people overdose from Narcotic addiction then most any other substance addiction. Oxycontin is not something to play with and it is not a cry for attention, it may have started out that way but it has obviously taken control of him since he binges now. Doing what he is doing can and will cause other problems with his body and will leave him in worse of condition if he doesn't stop. How long has he been at this job? Does he have insurance? All companies have a no drug policy but he can't be denied help if he wants it and they have to offer some kind of help. If you don't think they will then you could make it to where he takes vacation time and uses it to go to treatment which he is going to need. He needs to go to a medical detox center so he can be detoxed safely. People who use narcotics can be prone to seizures and other adverse reactions. When he doesn't use does he ever look like he is restless and irritable and are there symptoms like vomiting and shaking at all.
I know it is scary to have to deal with this type of thing and it has taken courage for you to email me so I am proud of you. It is NEVER easy having someone on your front door who uses because it directly affects you too, especially because you are the one who sees it all. They are too doped up to know what real damage they are causing and they use the drugs to make sure they stay that way. If you could find an Alanon meeting to go to would you? It is a confidential place for you to go to and get help and support for what you are going through and it allows you the tools to heal and be strong for you and your baby. You and your baby have to come first and you need to find a way to get him into detox and then into an outpatient therapy and N.A. meetings so he can get a sponsor to help him stay clean after because it is hard to stay sober after, there are all kinds of triggers that will make him want to use again and he needs to learn what those are so he can avoid them. Then the two of you can work on your family unit as well. Let him know you love him and don't want his child to have to watch him get buried and tell him you don't want to see him kill himself or have any bad reactions to what he is doing and you are only trying to help him.
Does he seem to want help?