Expert: Crystal - 7/20/2009

Question
My partner and I have been together for 8 1/2 years.  during this time we have both been anti drug due to things we had seen before we were together.  I found out last week from my sister that my partner has been taking ecstasy at parties fairly regularly.  I confronted him about it and he denied it straight away.  He is away at the moment and I heard from a very close friend of ours that it is true. She had never said anything as she thought I knew.  I don't know what to do.  Firstly I feel betrayed that he could keep this from me for 8 1/2 years.  I feel like a failure that he needs to take drugs when me and our children are sitting at home waiting to see him.  I feel like an idiot because I didn't recognize he was on drugs and when I go around to visit people everyone at the table new he was on drugs, except me.  I also feel disgust that he would be doing this and not thinking about what would happen to me or our girls if he took a bad pill. I would really like some advice on how to handle this.  It is not a question of love, as I love him deeply just I cannot trust him now.

Answer
Tiffany,

Trust is always the first most common issue because you never want to find out that someone you love has been doing drugs behind your back and with a total disregard for themselves and you. It is a hard blow to take and I am sorry you have had to deal with this. I know you love him but you need to remember who comes first in a situation like this, first your girls and yourself and then him. He has obviously put himself first in this circumstance and has not thought of any possible consequences that may come around and impact you and his girls. I would confront him and do it in a non-threatening way so that he is more open to admitting it and make sure your girls are not around because they don't need to know anything.
Does this sound like something you can do?