Expert: Charles I. - 8/2/2009

Question
I have been with this man for over a year in a half. we don't live together he lives with his mom. In the beginning he was the sweetest always seems to be there for me when nobody else was. I started noticing the jeckle and hide mood swings. then lately I noticed that he sleeps alot and when I see him after telling me that he's been sleeping he has these deep dark bags under his eyes and he won't let me see his pupils today he came over to see my daughter and the whole time he was here he had sun glasses on but you could see the bags under his eyes through the glasses. could I be right to assume he's on something oh and the sex he claims he's just not in the mood

Answer
Hi Tina,

Maybe he is maybe he isn't. It would be impossible for me to absolutely say yes he is using from the info you gave. I think the bigger issue here is trust issues and a lack of communication with the man you have pledged to marry. There should be no secrets between two people who are about to give their lives to one another. I think you and he should really sit down and talk about this (with his sunglasses off). There are things you should know like, has he had problems with drugs or alcohol in the past. That little bit of information right there could help you understand what might be going on with him now. As far as the Jeckle/Hyde mood swings, it could be indicative of substance abuse, stress, depression, anxiety, or maybe even falling out of love.
I know my response will probably cause you to have more questions than answers...but if you guys are going to spend the rest of your lives together, now is the time to put your cards on the table and resolve the questions and issues. Because, more than likely, they will not resolve themselves after you guys get married. Good luck to you both and know you will be in my prayers.

Charles