Expert: Charles I. - 9/12/2009

Question
my mom has been on crack for 25 yrs... she has ran away from me when I was 11 at 14 I moved back in with her this time she had a new baby who I helped raise a lot! than a yr and 3 months later social services took us away. within 5 yr my mom has been to jail prison and rehab also had another child olivia. who is 2 now she was tooken away at birth and it seems like my mom has it together but she doesn't.. she still disappears all nite and won't answer her phone... well I drive now so at 230 one morning I decided to go look for her when I found her I rang the door bell like crazy they invited me in and I rushed in the room with my mom. she tells me she doin crack. kinda already knew it but didn't expect her to tell me.. than to make things worse she told me to leave and she will be rite behind me... I told her I won't leave untill she does and im following her home... than she asked me to leave so she could take another hit. I refused to.. we finally left. she thanks me now, but I think she still will go back to it.. wow can I help her?

Answer
Hi Kristina,

Thank you for your question. I guess the quickest answer to your question is you're not going to be able to help your mom until she is ready to help herself. From what you described she is deep into her addiction right now. While I have no doubt that she loves you and Olivia...right now her addiction is taking priority to everything. Jail didn't cause her to quit. Social services removing you guys from your mother wasn't enough for her to quit. It sounds like right now you are more concerned about your mother than she is. I'm so sorry to have to say these things, but it is a reality that I think you have to understand. Here you are the child assuming the role of parent with your mother. I would strongly recommend that you contact Al-Anon to find meetings in your area that you can attend to help find support for yourself. You can check them out on the Internet at www.Al-anon.alateen.org for more info. You will find that they are geared towards alcoholism...but don't let that scare you away...they really could be so helpful for you right now.
Also, please be careful trying to track your mother down and going to where she is at...you could be putting yourself into harms way by doing this. I know you love her and feel that you will go anywhere for her...but please don't make yourself more of a victim than you already are because of her decisions.
If your mom is going to gain control of her addiction she is going to have to get some professional counseling and begin to deal proactively with her addiction on a daily basis. This is something that you cannot do for her...it is a journey she has to take on her own. Now you can be there to support and love her while she is taking it...but she is the one who has to put the work into it. I hope this helps a little and I will be praying for you.

Charles