Addiction to Drugs/what to do

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Expert: - 1/11/2010


Question
Well I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I have known him since I was 12 going on 13 and he was 15 at the time.  Now I am 16 and he is 18 and we are madly in love.  Yet things have been way different than they use to be.  He has smoked weed since he was 12 and then he got into heavier drugs such as shrooms, crack, cocaine, I think e pills and possibly tried heroin once.  It got so bad he was kicked out of school and sent to a specialized place to deal with all his problems.  Since he would start fights for no reasons ect.  The school was actually helping him but now ever since he came back and graduated he is back to the same damn things.  Its because of his friends and he can't control his urges.  He wanted to quit but I don't know about that anymore.  Right around that time he said he would be only smoking weed.  He had a job too but he lost it for being high on the job.  He didn't even care or take it seriously when I asked what are you going to do now and are you upset?  His reply was I don't care now I can stay home and get high all day.  That really bothered me because he wasn't joking.  Anyways recently in these last couple of month he's been acting weird, verbally abusing me, acting overly jealous, and detatched from me and the world.  This is when I knew it was the drugs again because he said he was only smoking weed but I knew it was a lie.  Since one night he came to me scared saying his parents were going to kill him and I was like why?  And he's said they were going to drug test him blah blah and im like okay and he said they weren't only going to find weed.  I was like what did you do?  He wouldn't tell me but finally did he was like weed, shrooms, and cocaine.  Cocaine and crack is his choice of drugs.  I wasn't shocked but more disappointed.  He ended up getting kicked out and I started worrying and I lost sleep over it.  I could barely get 2 hours of sleep every night.  School was getting hard to get through during the day and I could concetrate.  Also I do good in school and get a's and b's so all this extra stress isn't good.  So he is also the type of person who thinks they will never die and can do whatever they want.  I told him he is going to end up dead and his response is he will never die.  After another month or two he is being nice to me and treating me like he use to.  Then this last month we got into huge fights because he's being an ass since he's back to using and then he's like im sorry and I love you.  He doesn't have to tell me he's on drugs I just know.  His emotions go from on top of the world and then to all depressed ect.  I can't take this anymore.  I want him to get help because I can't do it all on my own.  He did go to a place and his mother is even a substance abuse counselor but she doesn't do shit.  Im like the only one who truly cares.  He wants me to move in with him and I want to but im not sure.  He use to sell weed and coke too but stopped and if he started up again I would not want to live near that.  I only smoke weed even though I actually just want to quit all together but I end up saying screw it.  I was even going to quit smoking weed for when he cameback which I did but then he started doing all this again and I just didn't care.  I didn't smoke for like three months.  Now a little about me, sometimes if I don't really get high from weed I want to go and try cocaine which is so stupid because I am against it but my mind is like try it.  I don't ever though but also with a boyfriend who does all these drugs its hard to just keep saying no.  I don't know what to do this is effecting me and my relationship.  My boyfriend is calling for my help but im only 16 and I can't save him.  Also everyone says I should leave him but I can't.  I love him so much and I can't see myself without him. I know im young but we both been through a lot together and apart.  I just want things how they use to be.

Answer
Casey,

You sound like a sweet and smart girl. There are many sweet and smart girls that have drastically altered their lives by making certain decisions. I'm not going to tell you to leave this dude or to not try cocaine. That's up to you. Just know that their will be consequences.

Now I will give you my opinions. As far as the cocaine, you remind me of myself. You know the dangers- you have seen the negative results in your BF but sometimes you want to experience it for yourself. I have done cocaine thousands of times- I have snorted it, smoked it and injected. I'm not going to lie- it's a great high- for a bit your on top of the world. It doesn't matter how depressed you are, how emotionally down and unhappy- you will feel fucking great! Not only that- you'll bond with your BF.
When I was your age, I too was a good student, I knew drugs were dangerous and all I did was a little weed and at times wanted to completely stop. I knew people like your BF and they seemed so different than me. I was not a trouble maker, I studied hard in school- my friends moms and teachers always liked me. The drugs don't care what type of person you are- believe me. I went from a good kid that studied hard, was honest and trustworthy to a heroin and cocaine addict that became a  desperate thief to support my addiction. I am blessed, grateful, and fortunate to be clean today and have an opportunity at a life. At 42 years old I have seen countless friends go to prison, die and/or ruin their lives. Even though I have seen this, even though I am blessed with the results of working hard and being drug free- last night I had a huge craving to smoke crack. It's a crazy thing Casey. You make the decision yourself.
By the way- the first time I tried cocaine, I liked it a lot but didn't do it again for like 6 months. My life didn't change at all...at first.

As far as this dude... well my opinion is he must have a good side or else you wouldn't be so attached. At the same time he's obviously an addict and he's got it bad. Stay with him and you'll stay with these terrible feelings that go along with his good side. By the way- addiction always gets progresvely worse- never better.

Best wishes Casey. Write me back if you want but try to make it a short question instead of going into so much detail.

Daniel

Addiction to Drugs

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Daniel A. Toth

Expertise

Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.

Experience

Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY! This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective: I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.

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