Expert: Jacqui - 10/28/2010

Question
My best friend is a wieght lifter and a drug abuser. My best friend is shotting steriods 4 times a week and gets drunk every night .. He smokes pot and takes pain pills for his back.  Now he is been doing coke. We have had many fights about this and it and I am at the final point where ist not worth fighting him over.  I am dead against the drugs.  I have seen what it can do to people and their family and friends.  I thought of calling his parents to let them know whats going on.  He is of age but thought it my be a reality check for him.  All the chemicals he is putting in his body is a deadly cocktail.  What should I do?

Answer
Hi Jim,

I would say that what he puts into his body is mostly his business (although the police would argue with that but ...)  At the very least it is not your business to be telling his parents, especially if he is an adult.  It sounds like you are either concerned about him or just hate anyone who takes drugs to want to make his life miserable.  It if it the latter, I would just say mind your own business.  If it is the first one, then I would ask yourself what do you gain from telling his parents?  You will undoubtably upset his parents, potentially damage their relationship with him, and possibly make him hate you.  This will not help him.

You are "dead against the drugs", but in reality most people take a substance ... have you drunk alcohol or coffee or smoked cigarettes.  Approximately one third of Americans admit to taking illegal substances, including Presidents Obama, Bush and Clinton ... and other politicians (Sarah Palin, the current Australian Prime Minister and Opposition Leader, and the list goes on).  If you are concerned about him, then you could let him know, but it is his life and he has every right to tell you to step off.  I am guessing you do care, but all you can do is offer your support - if he chooses to take it up that is great, but if he chooses not to you have to respect that.  If you really can't reconcile yourself with the drug use, then you don't have to continue hanging around with him if he chooses to continue to use substances.

When dealing with any issues around substance use I like to take a stance that isn't based on media hysteria about drug use.  This means that you can be really systematic in how you respond to things.  Unfortunately, the way that drugs are treated in the US makes people act in really hysterical ways to what is fundamentally a health problem (if the person is dependent or using too much).  Think about if your friend had diabetes ... and then think about responding in the same way.

I come from a standpoint of harm reduction which acknowledges that human beings have used drugs for centuries and we are not goint to change it by making them illegal and alienating drug users.  From what you say he is using quite a lot of substances, and especially drinking daily can be harmful.  But, your friend is an adult and needs to make his own decisions ... it is up to you whether or not you support him.  However, I would reiterate, there is nothing to be gained from 'dobbing him in' to his parents.

Here is some information on Harm Reduction which I thought you might be intersted in http://www.harmreduction.org/section.php?id=62

Take care,

Jacqui