Expert: Peter L. - 10/28/2010

Question
My sister is 40 years old. She has been addicted to ice for at least a year now. I believe she is shooting it. I also believe heroin may be involved. She and her 50 yr old male neighbor have had an on again off again affair for the last year. They fight constantly. They physically hurt each other and terrorize each other. The police have been involved on several occasions, but no one has ever been arrested. He even shot her 5 times with a pellet gun a few months ago. Last night I received an text stating that she's afraid he's going to kill her b/c he said he was and that he has ex-cons hanging around with him over the last 3 weeks. She's married, but her husband has moved out. Evidently, her husband bought her a gun and installed 12 video cameras. She told me that she just want to let someone in the family know what happened in case she didn't make it through the night. She lives in Houston. I called the police and they went to check on her, but she wouldn't answer the door. I've talked to her, I went down there about a month ago. Is there anything I can do? Her husband isn't any help, so he's not a viable answer. She's going to kill herself or someone else if something isn't done, but no one seems to be able to do anything about it.  

Answer
Hi Donna,

I think your options are limited here, leaving only the prospect of convincing her she needs help (drug abuse treatment) more than anything else.  

If she got the treatment, preferably inpatient, she would be out of that dangerous environment, at least for a while, and could possibly get her head clear enough to consider that she has to relocate.  Unfortunately, sometimes rehabilitation causes significant disruption in one's life, as it is necessary to remove oneself physically from problematic environments.  I see clients all the time who have had to leave their home areas because these are so many "hair-trigger" dangerous aspects for them to succeed.  I think this is what your sister must do.  

The affair with the neighbor strikes me as some sort of rebound relationship, and is extremely problematic, though that goes without saying.  This sounds like a situation that will lead to a very very serious crisis (yes, I'm saying things can get worse, far worse).

Advise her to get treatment.  Be firm about it.  She needs it sooner rather than later.

Best wishes,
Peter