Expert: Peter L. - 12/8/2010

Question
To whom it may concern,

I wanted to find out more information as well resources for my girlfriend (she’s 20). She was born with a morphine 'addiction' as her mother was treated with morphine after an accident whilst pregnant with her.  
The doctors weaned her off it but according to her she has suffered from the effects ever since. As a child she told me that she couldn’t identify when the other children were so happy getting sweets at school. She experimented with various drugs as a teenager and last year due to some pretty bad circumstances she was at an all time low and used a lot of meth and ket and other drugs. She decided to stop this abuse by herself. We have only been together 3 months and I have never used drugs so I am only just learning about this topic in such depth.

My main concern is that lately there have been negative environmental and situational factors rising up again in her life: stress from university and various illnesses within her family as well a social circle of recreational drug users in a city where it is available and part of the “lifestyle”. As a result of last year’s binging I and she feel that she’s undone a lot of the therapy she received as a child. She learnt to associate happiness to food, good company and good scenery/environment. Which is in low quantities in her current situation. But she has a lot of deeper rooted issues from her childhood which have contributed to a fundamental lack of love for herself (in it’s most basic sense). And the resolution of which, I believe is the lynchpin in relieving a large weight of addiction. Since we’ve been together now she is in the process of quitting smoking as I am a non-smoker (going cold turkey probably has increased the stress factor for her too). And I have fundamentally said to her from the start of our relationship that if my partner were to ever do drugs whilst I was with them, I would leave. This has encouraged her to stay off it thus far. But I know the change needs to come from her, internally rather than externally. I also have a preference to holistic methods.

I suppose what I am looking for is some knowledge as well as resources related to previous case studies and therapies for people in her situation. At least that will be a good start.

Many thanks for your advice.


Answer
Hi Chris.

I think it would be hard to conclude that her difficulties today, whether the drug abuse or psychological issues, have a relationship to her mother's morphine addiction.  However, research may demonstrate some relationship eventually.

I do not see your girlfriend's situation significantly unique to require you to take the time to seek out specific information. I think she has addictive tendencies, self-medicates, holds on to a lot of irrational beliefs about herself that limit her mental well-being, and has probably not pursued sufficient therapy, if any as an adult.  I wonder what tools she has gained in stemming self-destructive behaviors, and if she has not been counseled or educated in how to obtain and use these, she should investigate this immediately.  Cognitive-behavioral therapy is hugely effective with addictions and mental health issues.

External motivation such as that which you are providing for your girlfriend is usually helpful for people to get started, and even in the long term that form of motivation keeps people "in check" if you will.  Most of us in relationships would slack off some behavior if it were not for the fact that our partners would think of us less if we did so.  And why shouldn't they?  If we present as self-actualized in areas of health and well-being to draw them in, and later slack off in these things, they should be disappointed or annoyed.

Your girlfriend knows you don't want her using.  That's a good thing for her to know and respect.  You have a right to having a drug-free partner; you're not obligated to help anyone solve their addictive behaviors troubles.  That's why there's people like me out here in treatment centers.  

My approach in this field has always been of a proactive nature, encouraging people to employ diverse means to reverse mental and substance abuse problems.  I encourage your girlfriend to pursue aggressively a wellness strategy that is holistic and thorough, rather than attempt to link her behavior with the past, or her mother's morphine addiction.  That runs the risk of getting too fixated on the past and making her angry, resentful, or even fostering some degree of hopelessness.  What's done is done, makes no difference what happened in terms of the solutions.  

If anything, the way to help her might be to do research into holistic methods of health and wellbeing.  Tell her to pursue dietary changes, and possibly get acupuncture, massage, do yoga, pilates, etc.  And to stick with these things even though they may not deliver immediate benefits.  

Hope this is helpful to you.

Peter