Expert: Peter L. - 3/8/2010

Question
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and he seemed like the perfect boyfriend at first but then a few months in, he'd say he was off to buy weed and would spend hours at his friends house leaving me alone at his. He would never be able to sleep either all night, which i thought weed would make him, or so i've heard it relaxes you and makes you sleepy! Then a few months back, i heard a rumour it was crack he was smoking, he denied it and hit the guy who told me!! Then a month ago, i found out so much all at once and so confused what to do now...i found a homemade pipe with foil at the top which he said was like a bong for weed (i didn't believe and still don't), that he has been in and out of prison for robbery's past 10 years and that he is on 100mg of daily methadone!! He even lied saying the meth was for a coke addiction, i couldn't believe he thought i'd be so dumb to believe that. Anyway, i have recently found from his mum that he had a bad habit of smoking crack and heroin. I'd like to believe he has stopped but my guy feeling still believes he is smoking it as when he thinks i'm asleep he goes off into the kitchen for hours and then can never sleep still and he still has that pipe thing and tin foil hidden in the cupboard!! I have, however seen him drink his methadone too. All of a sudden, it's gone from a normal relationship to me feeling like i have to support him now, i mean i do want to as i love him and have never been in love like this before. I am 25 and he is 30...
Please help, what should i do for the best. His family don't want me to leave him either as his ex used to smoke it all too so now i'm with him they see me as being good for him!! And it sounds silly but he always threatens that his ex wants him back too if i have any doubts!!

Thanks.

Answer
Hi Nic,

From what you describe, this sounds like a risky situation for you.  First and foremost, your boyfriend has to come clean about what he's doing.  If he's lying to you, as he seems to be, your prospects for a happy relationship are slim. He's an addict, doing what addicts do, so he needs what addicts need: Treatment!

I urge you to attend an Al Anon meeting in person or online to learn what others have done in these situations.  I also suggest you get some counseling for yourself to deal with the stress this relationship is causing you, and will continue to cause you in the future.

Your safety and well-being are more important than saving him. Please keep this in mind!

Peter