Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 3/29/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi I'm a 28 year old female and I was engaged to someone I had been with for almost 4 years. We were to marry at the end of this year.  A lot has happened in those four years that we have broke up got back together and broke up again and got back together.  It was always because I'd catch him lying to me.  I knew he used to do drugs in the past when he was 15 through age 19. I didn't know him then but he told me about that after I dated him for about 6 months.  Drugs like Meth, Cocaine. Well I thought he was done with all that and wanted to start his life with me and take his career serious.  Well he got mixed up with some serious drugs while we were apart a year ago.  We were apart for a few months.  I never knew any this until this February.  He got in trouble with the law and his secret started to come out.  I am devastated because I just don't understand how he can always look me in the eye and lie.  I was then under the impression it was just his prescription medicine.  I later find out it was more than that.  After he was in rehab as an opt who goes three times a week and has been for almost a month now he finally came out and told me the entire story.  It devastated me and my family wants me to have nothing to do with him. I even talked to my priest of my church and he said you should never marry someone who has lived his life manipulating people and lying and who has an addiction.  He said he is drowning and you are trying to save him and I could drown too.  He said to cut the rope and swim to shore and I can't help him he has too.  I understand that but do I just turn my back?  I was living with him and I could tell before he told me the truth that he was still hiding something.  He would never make sense every time we would talk about this situation and he would get mad at me so I wouldn't want to talk about again.  That is when I felt he wasn't taking rehab serious he wasn't coming clean with me.  So I threw him out.  He is staying at a family members house but they do not live there right now because they have another home in another state and he is there alone.  Is that safe? It took 3 days after I threw him out and he said he finally told the truth at rehab.  He said I deserved to know the truth.  I always wondered how he didn't' have more money than what he had and that was an argument we had once because he makes a lot more money than me and some how he never seemed to be ahead like he should be.  When I found out the truth it all made sense.  All our fights made sense.  My thing is though at first people thought he was bipolar.  Is that because they didn't' know how serious his problem was or does that go with addiction?  Also I think he should of been in an inpatient facility.  I just don't' think right now he is strong enough to do this. I hate that he is away from me but it was starting to consume me and it still is though and I'm not sure what the next thing to do is?  I feel like some of his family things I'm heartless because I threw him out and I should be supporting him because you do that for someone you love.  To me he needed to face reality and realize he can't keep manipulating me.  I'm done with his lies.  Will he ever be able to tell the truth and continue that path of being honest?  He said he never really feels anything when he lies...and that scares me.  Does he really not feel anything when he knows he's hurting people he loves?

ANSWER: Dear Laura,

You have to realize that for a drug addict, obtaining drugs is more important than living with you. A drug addict HAS to lie in order to get hold of his drug of addiction. He just cannot live without it. Addicts are destroyers of relationships and families. Addiction is indeed a very serious and hard to treat disease. But a disease it is nevertheless. It is most unfortunate that many drug rehab centres do not know how to treat drug addiction, because they have not a full understanding of the biochemical underpinnings of drug addiction. The priest is right to tell you that you and your potential children put yourself at great risk when starting a relationship with an addict. If he is considering treatment, he should try to understand why some people become addicts and some others do not. Most drug addicts are hypoglycemic and this needs to be treated before anything else. A drug addict could potentially treat himself if he understands the biochemistry of addiction. I suggest that you and he read:

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm
Why Alcoholics Drink? at
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/WAD.html
Alcoholism (Addiction) is a Treatable Disease at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/alcoholism_treatable.pdf
Why Addiction to Marijuana?at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/addiction.html

and discuss this with a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychologist, if self-help therapy fails.
For more information use our "Search our Web Site" and look for articles containing  topics entered in search engine.

It is often said that a person allowing herself to be emotionally involved with an addict, may herself suffer from a low self-esteem, making them vulnerable to manipulation. You can improve your self-esteem by studying the following program.

Summary of Self-help Pyschotherapy at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/self-help_personal_growth.html#PSYCHOTHE

in its entirety from beginning to end. It includes a program showing you how to overcome a negative self-image, and assertiveness training program, communication course and values clarification course. Most people can learn these skills by reading these articles over and over again. This program is also available in my book "Getting off the Hook" which is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search. Use our "Search our Web Site" for more information on topics entered in the search engine.

Let me know how he is getting along.
_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychologist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: So if he would get treated for hypoglycemia do you think he will have a better chance of recovering from this and not relapse as easy?

ANSWER: This is correct. The first step in treatment is going on a hypoglycemic diet, preferably under the supervision of a nutritional doctor or clinical nutritionist.  He should also be aware of some possible allergies, that should be avoided. One way of finding your allergies if any is by :

Finding your Allergies at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/finding_your_allergies.html

It is likely that receptors for the right neurotransmitters may have been damaged, but this can be repaired by a high protein diet. It may take up to a year for him to fully recover, provide he stays drugs free. He should be aware that GLYCERINE (look up web site) may help him to counteract the cravings.  He should also study the psychotherapy course.

It is up to him.


_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychologist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: He did read this and he said he does not think he is hypoglycemic.  He said he notices after a period of time if he doesnt eat he will shake but then if he eats or drinks a pop he is fine.  I told him that I can go without eating and not get shaky?  So what are the signs of being hypoglycemic? So if he isn't this then what are his chances of being clean and he does lie alot which I think he developed that before he started ever taking drugs.  Is there hope that I will ever have an honest and open relationship with him?  I just dont' understand all this and how someone can lie as much as he has.

Answer
He is not in a position to say nthat he is NOT a hypoglycemic, This can only be ascertained by a proper medical test as explained at our web site. Look up "testing for Hypoglycemia".

For the signs of hypoglycemia see:

What is Hypoglycemia at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/what_is_hypo.html

The Serotonin Connection at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/serotonin_connection.html

A I said addicts tend to be manipulators and liars, because they cannot conceive a life without drugs. So long he remains a drug addict he will lie!!

Please read our web site. Use our search engine on the first page to find answers to your questions. If he is not willing to get treatment my advice to you is to leave him. If he cannot do it by himself, I recommend that he seeks the advice of a Nutritional Doctor and get treated for the illnesses, that make him into an addict.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman