Expert: Peter L. - 5/31/2010

Question
Hi I am quite new to this situation.Our daughter told us she was on 'crack' (smoking it),several months ago. She then came the other evening and told my husband she had been smoking heroin since just before Christmas because there was nothing else available. She says she has had it injected twice into her. She says she has been to Turning Point last week before the bank holiday.She also said she had some tablets to help alleviate the withdrawal problems that she says are stomach pain and vomiting. She says that she would like to move out of our town but has no money.We will not give her money at this stage for anything.I buy food sometimes and clothes sometimes for her. She managed to come away with us for a few days and I don't think she had any drugs in that time.On the way back she was complaining of stomach pains.
I don't know if she wants to give up but I think she does still value us as a family. Whilst she was talking to my husband she asked if she could come home. Currently she is living in a caravan and has people come round who use drugs.She is paying for the drugs with prostituition.My husband said she could come back home to live but we would not accept any drug use/users into the house.
She is very lacking in confidence and self esteem.
Can you offer us any wise words or help to motivate her when she is ready to try and conquer the addiction?

Answer
Hi Ann,

Your daughter needs treatment very desperately to help her stem her worsening addiction problems.  You are witnessing the steadily deteriorating lifestyle of someone who becoming more and more involved with the substance use lifestyle.

First off, have you had some quiet conversations with her where she can talk about what's happening?  Often family disagreement or conflict interfere with this process.  But if you can sit down with her and get a sense of what she wants, that would be helpful.  If she wants to come home, will she get involved in treatment?  I think that's essential. You say she values you as a family.  What does she value?  What are the positive aspects of your relationship?  These are points you can discuss to facilitate getting her help and setting up ground rules, such as limiting the people she brings into the house.

I assume she is of adult age and can therefore live on her on as she pleases.  You will be doing her a favor by permitting her back into the house, and it should be a mutually respectful situation.  She cannot move back in and continue the drug use lifestyle.

Her lacking in confidence and self-esteem needs to be addressed in therapy.  Usually, the more difficult aspects of one's psychological makeup are addressed when someone has achieved abstinence from substances.  First she becomes stably drug free, then she can explore the issues that underlie her psychological troubles.  Often family involvement in therapy is helpful.

Thanks for your question and I hope this is useful to you.