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Addiction to Drugs/Detoxing from painkillers

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My question is something very embarrassing for myself.  I hope that no one has to go through this situation that I am now faced with.  Well, here goes.  I had a terrible car accident in 2001 that left my body broken in many places.  However helpful over the years, I was placed on prescription painkillers that only touched the pain at times and have been increased in almost ten years to now being on 60 mg of methadone dailu along with 16 total mg of dilaudid daily.  I have struggled proudly by the grace of God to get from non mobile to wheelchair to walker to cane and now with a almost visible limp.  However I am not proud of the fact that I think I am addicted physically to these painkillers.  Please help me to know what is in store for me in my quest to detox off these medications.  I want to know how I should go about this.  I've read some sites that say it can be done quickly.  I'm tired(but still have some fight left in me) and I realize that I will be in some pain for the rest of my life, so I would also like to know about alternatives to responding to my pain that are not addictive.  I hope my telling some of my story someone out there can be helped.  I'm too young for this.  I WANT TO LIVE!

Answer
Jackie-

Thanks for sharing your story - there are many others with your predicament. Congratulations are definitely in order. You are going to use that same strength of spirit now with this challenge.You undoubtedly worked through countless obstacles and just like you believed that you will walk again- you now believe you can live without painkillers.Good for you! This is an essential mindset. You can absolutely do this.

Unfortunately our bodies do not know the difference between using these powerful narcotics recreationally or with a valid medical reason.You mentioned you "think" you may be addicted physically. Your body is definitely very addicted. You currently are using a high level of medication and apparently have been doing so for an extended period of time. There is no quick remedy. There are methods that will be faster than others but believing you can get this over with and live clean happily right away with no residual problems will lead to frustration and other issues. Accepting the fact that this is going to be challenging but you will persevere and ultimately will be so much better off will be essential.

I would reccomend you first wean yourself off the dilaudid, followed by a methadone detox regimen as opposed to the methadone maintenance you're currently on.Do this program with your doctor or better yet a doctor with extensive experience in this area. My experience is primarily cold turkey, and I don't recommend that for you.

As you know, there are numerous medication-free pain clinics and holistic remedy's. Not my specialty. You will find a good program and use it- keeping in mind there's no replacement for the relief powerful drugs offer. The clear conscience and terrible drug side affects will more than compensate.Take it easy on yourself and give yourself plenty of time to feel better!

I recommend getting over the "embarrassment" as you put it.. This does not serve you. You I'm sure were given no choice initially and anyone would have these issues after putting these drugs in their system for so long. I highly recommend finding a support group. I have seen many people with your issue use conventional 12 step programs successfully. You would have to use what you can at these meetings and leave the rest, looking for the similarities not the differences. Again if you look elsewere, the important thing is to get support somewhere. You do not need to do this alone.

Best wishes to you Jackie and feel free to write back anytime!
Daniel

Addiction to Drugs

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Daniel A. Toth

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Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.

Experience

Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY! This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective: I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.

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