Expert: Jacqui - 6/9/2010

Question
When I first began dating my boyfriend, he was a heroin addict with about a year clean time. We had a great sex life for the first few months of the relationship, until he relapsed. We went through 2 very difficult years of him using and going in and out of treatment. He has now been clean almost 5 years, and we've only had sex twice during this time period. He says that he just has no desire for sex. He is 31 years old. Is this a normal side effect of the drug use? He was a pretty serious user, shooting 5-6 times a day for a few years.

Answer
Hi Jenny,

Sexual dysfunction is not uncommon amongst people who use opiates (usually the inability to reach orgasm, or reduced libido), but is generally the effect of the opiates themselves while people are on them.  When people come off opiates such as heroin or methadone, often their sex drive comes back stongly, in that they aren't "numb" any more.  

I can't say that the reduced sex drive is definately related to him not being on heroin any more, but it does seem that it is a long time since he has stopped and any physical cause from the opiates sounds unlikely.  I am wondering if he was generally a sexual person to begin with?  Lack of desire in men isn't as uncommon as we might think but it is a bit of a social taboo, as men are expected to "perform".

If your partner is open to it, you might want to (gently) suggest that he seek some professional support (medical practitioner for starters).  However he is only likely to do this if he thinks it is a problem, and I am guessing that as this has gone on for so long, he has kind of expected that you have learned to cope with it.  You might also like to think about relationship counselling.

Sometimes sexual problems can be caused by psychological problems such as anxiety or depression.  And, unfortunately, if he has been anxious about sex, by avoiding it, he is making the problem harded to deal with.  If a couple hasn't had sex for a long time, the thought of it can be quite anxiety provoking.  I also am wondering if you have much sex while he was using - if his sex life was affected by the opiates, he may have 'conditioned' himself into believing that he is not very good at sex, which can then lead to an ingrained insecurity and reluctance to go there.

I hope this helps in some way Jenny, let me know if you would like any more information,

Take care and stay safe,

Jacqui