Expert: Peter L. - 8/8/2010

Question
My Son is doing drugs and just got caught stealing from my sisters house, he pawned off a bracelet for alot of money. They are going to press charges, this isn't the first time. He is almost 30. Is there a way i can get him help,. he doesn't have a job. He has a 6 year old son that doesn't even motivate him to get better. My brother a cop ,called the cops and let him get locked up for the stealing, but they took him to rehab. , but my sister ex, is pressing charges. it was his bracelet. How can i help my son, my heart is breaking  our family is breaking apart.

Answer
Hi Cindy,

This is a very unfortunate situation and characteristic of addiction.  I hear of these situations from many others here on AllExperts.

It's a complicated situation but there are a few options.  I'm a firm believer in limits placed on the person who is engaged in the addictive behavior.  In that respect, no money should be given to him, or he shouldn't be protected from prosecution for the thefts.

What happened in rehab?  Did he complete the treatment?  Has he engaged in any follow-up to that treatment?  

Does he live with you?  You may have to tell him to leave and let him fend for himself.  He needs some pressure to change.  Without it he will continue the addictive behaviors.  He's an addict, and his "mission" as an addict is to obtain and use more drugs.  You cannot make this any easier for him to carry out.  

Again, there are no easy answers.  Your son needs ongoing treatment.  If he refuses it, he's basically saying he's not ready and is making his choice to maintain the addictive behavior.

When he runs into enough trouble associated with his use, he will then be motivated to try and do better.

Best of luck with this very troubling situation.

Peter