Expert: Charles I. - 1/3/2011

Question
When I first met my current boyfriend, he was just after cleaning his life up and used to be addicted to oxycontin. We have been together just over 3 years, and over the past few months started going through problems in the relationship..and this morning he told me that he has had a relapse over the past month or so. He immediately asked me to take him to a drug detox center, which I did and that is where he is currently. But I am really struggling as to how I should react to this news. His parents aren't supportive and his brother is part of the reason for his relapse. I want to be there for him but I also feel like I've been made a fool of.. And I don't want to do anything that will hurt his recovery efforts. I also am having a hard time coping with the fact that he relapsed after over 2 years.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer
Hi Sarah,
Well I hate to say these things happen. Relapse is often a part of recovery. I think sometimes relapse is beneficial because it can let the individual know that their addiction is still alive. A relapse after only 2 years of recovery is not rare at all. I've known people with 10, 15, and even 20 years of recovery to relapse. The fact that he wanted to go to detox is a really good sign that he wants recovery. Too many people relapse and hide from the world...not your boyfriend, he immediately asked for the help he needed to get him back on the path to recovery. Here's a hard pill to swallow; once an addict...always an addict!! That isn't to say there is no hope for the individual...but for their recovery to be successful, they will have to address it everyday for the rest of their lives. But you need to understand that addiction is a chronic disease like diabetes...it can be controlled and maintained but it will never be cured. But despite not having a cure, the addict, if they remain in active recovery, can have a long, awesome life!
I guess the best advice I can give you is to be patient...if you love him and plan to spend a lifetime with him, then be there for him through this tough time. More than likely he is beating himself up for this relapse already...there isn't anything you can say to him that he hasn't already said to himself.
Become an active participant in his recovery by attending support group meetings with him and talking about how his recovery is progressing. I would also recommend that you attend some Al-anon meetings for your own support. Al-anon is made up of people just like you who have loved ones dealing with addiction. It can be a great source of advice and support for you.
I hope this helps in some way. God Bless.
Charles