Expert: Sherrie Sweet - 10/13/2011

Question
Hi. I'm a newlywed- only 2 1/2 months. Two years ago he told me that he would often abuse his vicodin and Ritalin prescriptions. He shared with his brother and they said that it was a way for them to better deal working with their dad. After seeing my concern he told me that he would quit and came to realize how it could jeopardize his military career. I believe that he quit with the vicodin but knew he still had a problem with his ritalin. This came because he brother moved out of state. In the last few months I've tarted to notice changes in his behavior. He's becoming more secretive about things. He lies to me about where he's going- or comes up with alibis. He and his brother are constantly exchanging money and he tells me that it's because they spotted one another for somethi to drink or eat. My husband no longer receives an rx for vicodin but a family neighbor can get them whatever they want. I know I shouldn't- but I've gone through his phone and read texts and saw his call log. He's talked to his brother about going to get more from this guy and he calls this guy on the upwards of 10-12 times a day. When I talk to him about it and voice my overwhelming concern and the feeling that he can't talk to me, he gets really defensive and tells me that he's not taking anything but it's really hard to believe that. I don't know what to do. He takes it not for pain but just for the rush or buzz he gets from it. Why cant he talk to me about it and what can I do to help? I don't even think he wants help. I don't think he thinks there is a problem there. I feel like such a helpless wife...

Answer
Hi Lauren, I apologize for the delay in responding to you.

Living with someone in with an addiction can be difficult. I understand feeling torn between wanting to help him and needing to take care of yourself. Therapy with a provider who understands addiction would be very helpful to you in learning more about this disease and also to assist you in making decisions that are best for you. Unfortunately, if your husband does not recognize that there is a problem with his use, there is no reason for him to change.
I would also encourage you to seek out Al-Anon meetings. (www.alanon.com) These meetings are designed to support friends and family members who are coping with others suffering from addiction.
Lastly, it is important that you remember, you are not responsible for his use or any behaviors coming from it. He is sick, but there is help for him if he wants to get well. This disease is life long and requires ongoing therapy and treatment.
Good Luck to you.