Expert: Sherrie Sweet - 11/6/2011

Question
Hi just found this page on the web...  I married the man of my dreams 4 years ago.  We were together 8 years before that and have 3 beautiful kids together.  We were both married before 3 kids each from our prior marraiges my 3 live with us his do not and we only see then when they need something.  When i met Joe he had an addiction problem and was in a rehab but, i really didn't understand the addiction until i was already in love.  I have stood by him threw his mission being an unabler watching him come off cocaine wondering if this is it.  He has been at rehabs they work a little while then he has mission. I belive he truely loved me at one time but, about 8 months ago he hooked up with his old best friend that is prescribed oxy's80 well it didnt take long my husband is hooked.  Did i mention we own a company and he is even selling the pills to his guys not to mention trying to hide money and paying his guys cash every week I don't do as much for the business as i use to busy with the kids and there actiivites.  We have not been even talking much to each other he promised me he wasn't doing them but we havent even had sex in 2 weeks which is not how our marriage has ever been last tuesday we had an argument i asked him to leave and filed for a divorce and a rienstraing order now it is sunday and i miss him so much but i know i have to watch him hit rock bottom even if it means losing the business.  I would neve turn my back on him but, i feel i cannot help him anymore....

Answer
Hi,
Living with someone in recovery or active stages of addiction can be difficult. I understand feeling torn between wanting to help him and needing to take care of yourself. I agree that leaving was the best option for you, and that therapy with a provider who understands addiction would be very helpful to you.
I would also encourage you to seek out Al-Anon meetings. (www.alanon.com) These meetings are designed to support friends and family members who are coping with others suffering from addiction. The meetings will help you find the support you need to make good decisions for yourself and your children.
Lastly, it is important that you remember, you are not responsible for his drug use or any behaviors coming from it. He is sick. Addiction is a disease, but one that carries a lot of stigma. There is help for him if he wants to get well. This disease is life long and requires ongoing therapy and treatment.
Good Luck to you, and here for you
Sherrie