Expert: Peter L. - 3/31/2011

Question
QUESTION: My husband uses crack and we have been trying to get pregnant.I don't use and never have! But I was wondering if we got pregnant if his using would affect the baby?

ANSWER: Tell you the truth Megan, I'm wondering how his use will affect you!  Why do you tolerate his crack use?  It's draining your finances, risking his health, and putting him at risk of getting arrested.  Do you want to raise your baby alone?

I can't say I've heard anything about how crack might affect sperm.  If it were me, I would consider it a risk even though this may not have been proven.  Why mess around?  Tell your husband  he needs to get treatment.  As a crack addict he will make a terrible father.

Sorry for being blunt, but that's the reality.

Regards,
Peter

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok, so ive told him he needs to get help but he gets mad at me! What is the best way to get him help without loosing him or pushing him away?

Answer
First, have a frank conversation with him about this.  And I'm curious: when did you find out he was using?  And how did you find out?  Whose money does he use to support this habit?  Does he want help, or is he content to continue his life as an addict?  Get some answers to these questions.

You might want to recruit family and/or friends who can see where he's going with his drug use.
Also, you might investigate treatment programs in your area and tell him you'd be willing to go with him on his initial appointment.  

I'd also express your frustration about the prospect of being a single mother, broke, and with a partner in jail unable to contribute to the care of your child.  Not a happy scenario.

He may continue to get angry at your attempts to address his addictive behavior.  If he carries on and refuses to get treatment, I think you have a decision to make.  His addiction will make your life miserable, I can assure you of that.  Sorry, but you may have to give him the "get help or get out" conversation.  What do you want: a relationship with an addict (that you tolerate just so you won't be alone) or the prospect of living free of the daily anxiety of losing your home, finances, and mental health?  Yea, you'll be alone initially perhaps, but can always meet someone else, someone who's not ruining their lives with addiction.

Best of luck with all this,
I know it's very difficult.

Peter