Expert: Caroline West - 3/10/2011

Question
i have 3mnth old daughter with a guy that i thought loved me but the more i'm hit with the truth of his addiction to cocaine i get more sick within he loves me one minute then i seem 2 make him so mad the last past three mnths since daughters birth things have got worst he doesn't even hide it from me anymore i have been  losin weight stressed out so bad crying i don't know what to do i am tired please help me with any advice because i want out because i recently started drinking and don't wanna cover feelings and force this relationship further but i don't what it is y i feel like if i lose him i will b hurt when i am already being hurt by him doesn't help in anyway with daughter will play with her a couple minutes every now and then i am so sad crying right now i want out so bad he always accuses me of cheating but get flirt with whoever whenever i'm only 28 and so tired

Answer
Hello Vianca,

With Cocaine Vianca,it makes the user very aggressive and irritable. You never know what mood they are going to be in. One minute everything seems fine,and then out of the blue the person will snap at you. It's not nice to live with a Cocaine addict.

I am extremely worried about your health and your baby's health. Having a child brings a degree of stress to even the strongest of relationships,but what seems to have happened here is that both you and your partner have fallen apart.

You and your child are my priority. Your partner is no longer even hiding his coke use which is a sign that he just doesn't give a crap any more. Even before,he should have sought help when he knew the baby was coming. Drug users are selfish,they think about themselves and their drugs first,in his case coke is his top priority whatever he says. I've been a user myself,I've lived with a user and I know,believe me.

I am very worried about you because you are hitting the bottle and you are crying all the time and you are losing weight. You don't need me to tell you that this is not healthy. You must,must do a couple of things. First you have to stop drinking. Alcohol will only make you more depressed (it's a depressant). And while you are drinking,you are avoiding what is happening in your life and therefore not dealing with the issues which can be dealt with.

I can tell you now that he isn't going to stop the cocaine soon. Addictions are very hard to break and if having a beautiful baby was not enough to make him quit then what will? In my mind you need to leave. If you continue to drink and he continues with his coke use,I'm afraid to say that you are at great risk of losing your daughter and that's the truth which is why you have got to stop drinking and start thinking what your going to do. You need to start thinking straight.

The ones that are always accusing the partner of cheating are usually the ones that are cheating themselves. Like you said,he always flirts with other women and I bet that you have not cheated on him once? It's him Vianca. I would bet anything that he has cheated,kissed some one,screwed some one,whatever. But he is dragging you down with his constant accusations.

Where is the love and the support? You have just had a baby. Why is he not loving and taking care of you? This is a bad,bad relationship you are in and you need to get out even if only temporarily because of your health. You need a break. You need to go and stay somewhere or make him leave as you need space to stop drinking,start eating and have him,which is the stressor,out of your life for a little while. Have a temporary break,that is my advice to you. You need him out of the way for a bit.

I will support you if you want me to. I have helped many women here in similar situations and I can be here for you when you need to talk or you need a bit of strength from someone who has gone through similar crap as you and has got out of it. You need time apart from him ok?

Listen to what I have said and know that this is a situation that can be dealt with,there is a way through it. I am here if you want my support and someone to talk to and help pull you through this. Your not alone. Caroline.