Addiction to Drugs/Boyfriend


Hello, let me start off by saying I deal with depression and Self-Harm. I'm with the love of my life and I am trying to quit Self-Harm because it hurts my boyfriend, but the problem is he smoke weed. Hes quitting cigarettes with the help of my mom, but he told me he'd stop smoking weed and he says he hasn't! I grew up in a house where it was smoked often, I've seen it fuck up my mom and brothers life. My mom no longer does it and my brother hasn't in awhile, but it has caused so much trouble and pain in with my family. I can't and don't want to watch him screw up his life, but he keeps doing it! He knows that I hate it and why I hate it yet he still does it! He always tells me to try and not Self-Harm, which I do it far less than before like once a month if that. Yet he's not trying or at least it doesn't seem like he is. :'( My mom see's that it upsets me but she can't do anything. His mom does it too, but she doesn't know he does it too. Some days I just wanna scream at him and Self-Harm just to upset him 'cause how much it upsets me when he smokes weed, but I don't 'cause i can't hurt him! I love him and he says he loves me, but sometimes I wonder when he openly says he's still smoking! I don't know what to do! Please help!?

Hi Cayla,

I'm sorry for my very late reply.  Well, first, I think you should be attending to your depression and self-harming behaviors.  It would be great if you would be motivated to deal with those things solely for your own benefit, and not resort to the self-harm as a means to anger your boyfriend, or deal with your frustration.

Your boyfriend has a marijuana addiction.  Marijuana addictions are sometimes viewed as not as serious as other addictions, and to some degree that's true.  But, you can see how damaging it's been in your family nevertheless.  As you probably know, people with addictions say they'll quit, mostly to quiet others, but may not feel motivated internally to do so.  I see this all the time, and it's a theme of treatment nearly everyday.  Your boyfriend may feel his use of marijuana is manageable.

You have a decision to make, and that is to continue a relationship with an addict who's resistant to change, or consider an alternative.  The bad news is he may not quit no matter how much you demand it.  If you stay with him, why does he have to do anything differently?  You'll complain, he'll say he loves you, and on and on this will go until you can't stand it anymore.  But along the way, you may deal with your intense frustration by cutting, and it's a shame for you to be hurt because your boyfriend refuses to do something that might make you happy.

This is a difficult situation and no one can decide for you.  He needs treatment for his addiction.  If he doesn't get it, he'll probably continue smoking pot.  You'll have to decide what to do next.

I hope the best for you here, but I feel he's not ready to address his addiction.


Addiction to Drugs

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Peter L.


I am available to answer any questions about substance use, abuse, and dependence. I can also offer perspective on treatment options and how to motivate someone to get help. I have over 27 years of experience as a substance abuse treatment professional, working with adolescents and adults in a variety of treatment settings. I feel I can answer just about any question in this topic area but can also access reference sources, or direct you to these for additional information gathering or education on your own.


I am a professional addictions counselor working in a very highly respected treatment center, as well as having a private practice in two states.

Masters Degree in Behavioral Science Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor in three states. Also an Internationally Certified Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor

©2017 All rights reserved.