Addiction to Drugs/Adult son with addiction
I am the mother of an adult son with an addiction to getting high. He will use anything that will get him that way from alcohol,perscription drugs, meth, etc. He has no desire to change and insists he's not addicted but only uses "socially". He supports his recreational habit through illegal sales of low-level recreational drugs, namely "pot",as well as a dead-end,low pay, but full-time job. This has been going on for many years. He has stopped asking us for financial support, but we have raised his 2 year old daughter from birth. Mother is out of this picture, now. His habit takes precidence over any plans he has made and is unreliable to say the least. He is on probation for a double DUI, has lost his driving priveledges and has to serve 10 days in jail for a first offense, plus pay many $$ in fines & court costs. He was suppose to be here this week-end. He didn't show & didn't call. He didn't return my calls or texts all day on Sat. Needless to say, I was terrified that he may have OD'd, become a victim of crime, etc. He was just coming down off of tweeking from the day before but claimed he was sick in bed all day. My husband says I should tip off his probation officer. He would then be drug tested and have to serve his jail term plus go through drug rehab. Husband is X-cop. I've considered this, but since he doesn't even admit he has a problem, this probably wouldn't do any good. I've also considered telling him to stay completely out of our lives until he gets treatment and gets off drugs. But since drugs are his central focus, I don't think that would do any good either. We only see him about once a month anyway. He doesn't play a big part in his daughters life. I'm angry and afraid for him but talking to him does no good. He doesn't listen to "my lecturing" as he calls it. He doesn't really have any close friends anymore, most have grown up. He hangs out mostly with others like him. Should I turn him him, knowing that he'll hold that against me for a very long time. I'm at a loss for what to do, if anything. I fear for his safety now, knowing that one of these times, the police will be at my door with bad news. Advise please.
Yes. By all means turn him in. Would you rather him be angry with you for a short time or dead. If he goes to rehab he will start to become clean and realize how much better life is without drugs. But unless you turn him in he may never have the opportunity to experience life without drugs. You will be saving his life. Look at it that way. He is not going to stop on his own. He needs an intervention through courts and rehab. He is not going to take himself to rehab, it sounds like. My parents changed all the locks on doors and locked all the windows when I came home to rob them again. At the last window that I tried and was locked, I hung my head and said thank God they finally got smart. I became homeless for 3 months but it also saved my life. I was never once bitter at them because I had done this to myself. it was the best thing they could ever do for me. Today we have a loving and caring relationship. I urge you to turn him in. One day, I can almost guarantee that he will thank you for saving his life. He may be angry at first but hopefully in time he will change and see that you were only saving his life. You are doing this out of love and concern. You are not doing it to be mean. You are doing it to save him. At least you know where he will be and that he will be alive. Give yourself some peace of mind and turn him in. I hope I have helped. If I can answer any more questions please write back. Are you guys attending Al-Anon? If not I strongly suggest you go as often as you can daily if possible. There you will find people who have and are in your shoes. You will get support unlike anywhere else. You can goggle Al-anon in your city and state to find meetings. They are free and confidential. Go for your sake. You will get the help you so desperately need.