Addiction to Drugs/Please help....


I have been on methadone for a little over a year now.  I was on 45mg... And went down 5mg every two weeks until I got to 10mg...  4 months after I started the treatment center I found out I was pregnant.  I tried to stop cold turkey but then found out I could lose the baby while going through withdraws.  I had my last dose of 10mg Friday.  I was gonna do the 5mg for 2 weeks then get off but it's $70 a week and my husband is the only one working now.  This will be my 3rd day without any methadone and I've had about an hour of sleep the past 3 days.  I am at home with my 6 month old all day by myself and its so hard to deal with the withdraws and be a mommy too... I need help BAD!!! My husband went to the herb shop and got a lot of stuff but none of it is helping.  I really need sleep also but I don't want to take anything that I will rely on if you know what I mean.  I've tried tyn pm but it don't help at all.... I'm having hot flashes, cold sweets, body hurts all over, I keep sneezing, don't really want to eat but I make myself.  I am staying away from red meats lol... I read that they don't help with detox.  But plz help me... I want to be off of everything.  Now that I'm a mother I feel I have a better reason to live.   Thank you so much.... Oh my back hurts really bad but I can't tell if its from the withdraws or because I have 2 rods in my spin.  Thanks again....I need all the help I can get....


Congratulations on your great progress- you're well on your way! Remind yourself of this tremendous accomplishment continuously.You are clean! It's amazing- you are a miracle!

Joni- you are going to be paying the piper for a while longer. You have to pay sooner or later and there's no easy way out.The great news is its going to get better. You never have to go through this again!
Sure there's little things you can do but the fact is, you're withdrawing from the most powerful painkiller on the planet.I'm sure you know- methadone is freaking evil- synthetic opiates are so much harder to detox from than the organic opiates. You were on it long enough that your body is saturated. That said- the worst thing you could do at this point is to introduce any synthetic or natural opiates into your system. You will have a bit of relief followed by feeling even worse and than even worse is you will extend your WD period and open up that beast of obsession and compulsion.From what you write- you are well aware of this but I know too well your present state- the conflicted thoughts and emotions. You have come too far.

Joni- you have SO much to be grateful for; 1)Apparently your baby is ok and healthy 2)They didn't take your baby 3)You are clean today 4)You have a powerful purpose in life (to be a great mommy) 5)You have a man working hard to support you at this challenging point in your life. He's out working to buy that food and put a roof over your head. He goes to the herb store to help his ailing wife.

I don't know how long your suffering will go on. It's not the same for everyone but I do know it will most likely go on longer than you think it should. A good nights sleep is still a ways off Joni. Expect and accept this fact. Take a HOT shower or even better a bath every time you try to sleep or need to relax. You'll never feel like it- but if you can manage to get a bit of exercise every day- it WILL help your aches and sleep.Keep avoiding any heavy meals.
If you are religious or spiritual- now is the time to lean heavy on your faith.If your in or near a big city use the resources available. There are support groups with women that have traveled the same road you are on. You can get phone numbers and use this resource when feeling low.

My best to you Joni,


Addiction to Drugs

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Daniel A. Toth


Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.


Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY! This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective: I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except thereís no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Letís see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.

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