Addiction to Drugs/crack cocaine.

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Question
My live in boyfriend uses crack cocaine.  I'm very concerned for me than him. I have been with him for over 8 years now.  He works very hard, and he has been with same company for over 7 years now. Never calls in sick. He can go with out for a long time, like 2 weeks or more, but seems like lately he is using it more.  My concern is the after, like the day after, he sleeps all day, then when up he gets very moody, dont talk much, seems depressed.  I cannot talk to him, it seems to get into a argument, he seems very argumentive no matter what I say.  I'm actually afraid of saying anything to him at all.  Asking him to go to rehab is a joke, he would say, I dont need to. I could ask him to move out, but, where would he go? I know that is not my concern, but, I am concerned.  He would not take care of himself, he would be able to afford it too, but, he is not good at paying his bills on his own, though he pays his bills here, well.  I have been there before.. the relationship has been on and off for the past 8 years.  I'm also afraid that he'll get very physical, it has happen before,meaning throwing things, such as glasses, table, things like that.  I'm walking on egg shells in my own place, its a terrible feeling. So, my question is what should I do?  Should I ask him to leave, or, should I ask him to get help?  I'm not a mentally stable person, I go to therapy every week, I take meds, etc.  My life hasnt been that good. Mom just died in March, My daughter who is 17 is in a mental academy, she is a cutter,and depressed. She has been in and out of hospitals for a year now.  Please HELP me!  Thank you

Mary

Answer
I would let him go.  He is a grown man who can take care of himself.  He has made it the far in life just fine and he can continue to do so.  If he does not pay his bills it is because he chooses not to. Everything he is doing is a choice. He is making some bad chooses.  You however,  do not. You know what he can be like, do you want to put yourself through that again?  You need to take care of you. You do not deserve to be treated like that.  People have a tough time with self esteem in general,  especially someone with mental illness.  List the pros and cons of the far relationship and yu will probably find there are few pros. You deserve someone who will respect you, not tear you down.  You should definitely let him go for your safety and well being.  Would you want your daughter to be treated like you are being treated?   If he continues using and cocaine the way he is, it will not be long before he is using daily, not going to work, draining the bank account, or stealing from the house,  staying gone for days at a time, and you are left with no money to pay bills or live off of and he has been fired. Save yourself from from having to go through that.  Pack his bags, change the locks and sit his bags outside with a note letting him know he has made the wrong choices. Ask your therapist what they think if you want.  But I am giving you an unbiased answer, based on knowledge and experience.  I hope I have helped in some way.  As a recovering addict and alcoholic,  I know what is likely to happen.  I have been there and so have many of my friends.  Take care of yourself.  He will survive on his own.  If he becomes homeless,  it is because of his choices,  not because of anything you did. You are not responsible forhim. You can oonly control you, and no one else. Take care of yourself and stand by the decisions you make. Don't let him con you into anything,  you know what he is capable of.  You  may want to go on the al anon website ane see if you can find some information on this. I can't recall the website address off the top of my head, but if you goggle al anon you will find it.  Let me know if you have any other questions.  Hope this has been somewhat helpful.  

Addiction to Drugs

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Leigh, BS, QMHP, QMRP

Expertise

I can answer questions about drug addiction, in-patient and out-patient treatment and 12 step programs. I can inform you about treatment in or near your city. I can answer questions about opiates, narcotics, speed, pain pills, cocaine, crack cocaine, suboxone,and methadone treatment. I have used and abused many drigs so I can provide fist-hand knowledge of the effect of the drug and any withdrawals whether thay be psychological or physical. I can inform loved ones how they can get help to best help the addict and themselves. I have also been a substance abuse counselor. I am a social worker that works with individuals in the criminal justice system with mental illness and/or addictions.

Experience

I have lived the life of addiction and the life of recovery. I have attended many 12-step meetings. I Have been a substance abuse counselor. I am NOT a doctor. If you want personal experience with any of the above then ask me! I have been addicted to prescription drugs, heroin, crack, powder cocaine and countless others. I can answer questions about the lives of addicts, how to help and not help someone and how to get and stay clean.

Organizations
NAMI CHADD MHA Trainings and seminars on alcoholism and addiction

Publications
Forsyth Families bp

Education/Credentials
BS in Sociology/Criminal justice MS: Working on masters in Counseling Taken several classes in Substance Abuse

Past/Present Clients
poly-substance Abusers Mental illness with Substance Abuse

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