Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 9/7/2007

Question
MY PROBLEM IS THAT 3 NIGHTS AGO MY BOYFRIEND TOLD MY THAT HE WAS GOING TO THE BACK YARD TO SMOKE A CIGARETTE SO I SAID OK AND THEN HE COMES BACK AND GETS A DRINK IN THE ROOM AND GOES BACK OUT THE ROOM. I FELT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM SO I GET UP AND GO DOWN THE STEPS AND LOOK FOR HIM AND I CANT FIND HIM ANY WHERE SO I LOOK AT THE BASEMENT DOOR IT WAS UNLOCKED SO I LOOKED IT AND STOOD THERE I KNEW HE WAS THERE. SO I UNLOCKED THE DOOR AND OPENED IT AND ASKED HIM WHAT WERE YOU DOING AND HE SAYS SMOKING AND I TOLD HIM BUT WEREN'T YOU JUST OUT SIDE SMOKING AND HE SAID YEAH I WAS SMOKING ANOTHER. I THOUGHT IT WAS WEIRD BECAUSE HE USUALLY DOESN'T SMOKE. I THOUGHT HE WAS SMOKING CRACK BUT I LOOKED AL OVER THE HOUSE TO SEE IF I WOULD FIND ANY EVIDENCE BUT ALL I COULD FIND WAS A LOTS OF CIGARETTE BUTTS AND THE ALUMINUM FOIL WAS LIKE SOMEONE TOOK APIECE  OF IT OUT. SO I THOUGHT THAT WAS WRONG AND LEFT IT LIKE THAT. BUT 2 DAYS AFTER I GET HOME FROM WORK AND I'M KNOCKING THE DOOR AND THERE IS NO ANSWER AND THE WEIRD THING IS THAT HE USUALLY LEAVES THE DOOR OPEN SO I COULD JUST WALK IN. SO I LEFT AND WHEN I CAME BACK AN HOUR AND HALF LATER I KNOCKED THE DOOR AND HE OPENS ALL SWEATY AND SAYING THAT HE WENT OUT TO SELL MOVIES SO I BELIEVED HIM. I SEE HIM WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND ALL EVENING WITCH HE NEVER DOES THAT AND CALLING. AFTER A WHILE HE TELLS ME THAT HE HIS GOING TO A GUYS HOUSE TO SEE IF HE WANTS TO BUY MOVIES AND LEAVES AND LEFT THE DOOR UNLOCKED AND COMES BACK AND TELLS ME THAT THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BUY ANY SO HE TELLS ME THAT HE IS GOING TO A LADY HOUSE TO SEE IF SHE WANTED TO BUY ANY BUT THIS TIME THE DOOR WAS LOCKED HES BEEN OUT A LONG TIME I LOOKED AT THE BASEMENT DOOR ITS LOCKED SO I UNLOCKED IT OPEN THE DOOR THE LIGHTS ARE OFF BUT I SEE LIGHT AT THE BOTTOM SO I GO DOWN AND SAW HIM PUTTING AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF COCA-COLA ON THE GROUND AND HE SAYS I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO I JUST LEFT THE BASEMENT AND HE STAYED. THE NEXT MORNING I TELL HIM TO GIVE ME MONEY CAUSE I GOT TO GET TO WORK AND HE SAYS THAT I SAID I DIDN'T NEED ANY MONEY I TOLD HIM THAT ALL I HAD WAS 2 DOLLARS SO HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING FOR A WHILE SO I SAY I'M WAITING SO HE COMES UP WITH WHERE YOU GOING TO GET CHANGE FOR A $100 SO I LEFT TOOK THE KIDS TO DAYCARE AND COME BACK HE IS ASLEEP SO I'M LOOKING FOR HIS PANTS HE HAD ON THE NIGHT BEFORE HE DIDN'T HAVE IT IN OUR ROOM IT WASN'T IN THE LIVINGROOM WHERE HE WAS NOT IN THE BASEMENT I LOOK IN THE DRYER NOT THERE I FOUND HIS PANTS HIDING IN A BOX WHERE I GOT OUR SONS BATHING STUFF I HIS CHECK PANTS AND WALLET ALL I FOUND WAS $1 SO I TOOK IT AND TOOK MY WELFARE CARD AND LEFT TO WORK. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO HE HIS THE FATHER OF MY SON. PLEASE WHAT SHOULD I DO ?

Answer
Hi CARLA, I get the impression from your writing that all is not clear in the behaviour of your boyfriend. From what you write it seems you think he is using drugs and not being honest about with you.

It is important to get a honest communication going, otherwise you have to consider that your relationship with him is on the rocks.

If you BF is on drugs, then I can only suggest that your future is not good, because drug addiction is difficult to treat and it can ruin relationships and the life of significant others, like you and your son..

If he wants to have treatment for drugs addiction, then he needs to WANT to and for good reasons, because there is no way that anyone can impose treatment on another person if they don't want to.

If he admits of being addicted and wanting treatment then please let him read the following article:

Drug Addition is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm...

as an introduction.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search