Expert: Jacqui - 12/9/2007

Question
Dear Expert,

I am going crazy right now.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I have hit rock bottom.  I thought I could defeat this drug on my own.  I don't smoke crack everyday, I was clean for 5 months and before that I was clean for 8 months.  How is it that I can resist my urge to smoke for only so long?  What is wrong with me?  When I am really stressed out I always slip, is this caused by my stress? What do I need to do to beat this?  I am willing to do whatever it takes to beat this drug, I am so tired of hurting my family and I am so tired of hurting myself.  Please help me understand, I feel alone, frustrated, I am tired, my soul is tired, please tell me something that can help me now, I want to change, I never want to smoke crack again, how can I beat this?

Tony

Answer
Hi Tony,
I am sorry to hear that you are so stressed.  A couple of things stand out about your question.  Yes, people use drugs for lots of reasons - because they feel good, because they need pain relief or more energy, or because they are under stress.  It sounds like you are actually doing quite well, going from someone who has used a lot and now being able to hold out for a while.  It seems that it is just when you are under stress that it is really affecting you.  As I always say when I answer questions here - if there was a guaranteed cure for problematic drug use, then I would bottle it and make billions - but there isn't.  My approach to your current situation would be to build upon your existing strengths (ie: your ability to hold off for a while) and look at what is the trigger for you (the stress).  Counselling can be really helpful and taking on some stress management tactics could work.  This will hopefully reduce your stress levels and subsequently reduce your desire to use.  I know it can sound a little simple, but even looking at relaxation strategies could be helpful now.  I don't know much about your lifestyle, but when someone is stressed and anxious there are certain systems in the brain working over-time ... the "fight and flight" response.  If you can manage this by doing some focused breathing or some exercise this may help to manage the stress more.  Alternatively, I don't know what is causing your stress, but is it possible to remove the stressful trigger from your life?  Is it a work thing and is there someone you could seek support from?  
I think the last thing to consider is your mental health and self esteem.  The way that drug use is represented in the media often makes drug users feel that they are useless and destitute.  From your message it sounds like you are really down on yourself and at your wit's end.  Please remember that you are not a bad person because you use drugs.  Most people use a drug of some kind (ie: alcohol, caffeine) and most do it in a way that is not overly harmful.  In addition, most people who use illegal drugs do get over it.  However because crack is illegal, and the drug laws in the US are very unforgiving, there are more complications with using it.  However, it doesn't mean that you are evil or less worthy of help than anyone else.  I am sure that your family love you and, they are probably very concerned about your health and the risks associated with illicit drug use.  Just remember that if you do give in to temptation and use, it is not the end of the world.  You can put it behind you and try a little harder next time.  I often see a pattern where people kick themselves so much after they relapse, that they are more likely to just dive back into it because they feel so bad about themselves.
If you think that there is any more information I need to further assess your situation, please don't hesitate to post again.  Best wishes and stay safe.
Jacqui