Expert: Crystal - 11/27/2007

Question
I have an 18 year old son that I think might me doing drugs but I am not sure.  I hav asked him several times if he is and of course he said no.  But he is hanging around with a group of people that are known to be doing drugs.  He doesn't abid by my rules and does what he wants.  He says he's 18 and can do what he wants.  I bought a test kit but he hasn't taken it yet.  What can I do?

Answer
Michelle,
If he is living in your home and 18 years old I would give him the adult behavior ultimatum. If he feels he can do whatever he wants then he is apparently big enough to live on his own too then. I would explain to him that he may be 18 but it is still your home and still your rules and if he intends to have that privilege of living in your home with adult behaviors but without the respect that comes with those privileges then he can also suffer the adult consequences that follow as well and I would hand him the drug test and offer to help him read the instructions.. I would explain to him that the rules have not changed and that just because his behaviors have doesn't change who you are as the mom and that part of being older means owning your own stuff as well. You can do this in a firm tone or a softer tone but don't bend. He is a guest in your home and although he may have grown up in that home, it doesn't in anyway give him a right to disrespect you.