Expert: Crystal - 5/31/2007

Question
I have a guy that I have been seeing who use to use crack. He lived in a recovery house where he attended meeting everyday.  Well he relapsed and has been doing for almost 3 weeks now. He no longer lives at his home, has lost his job in the process, spent over 3k on drugs so far and getting ready to loose his car b/c he doesn't have the money to pay the payment. I let him stay here for a week thinking if I gave him a place to stay he would try to get better well once he ran out of money I was scared to leave him at my house alone with my stuff so I told him he had to leave.  Now he is stealing to get money for crack and doing odds and ends to get the money for crack.  I have given him several phone #'s to call today to get help and he didn't call.  He ended up getting a speeding ticket today which he doesn't have the money to pay for it now.  He came to my house this afternoon b/c I was going to give him a place to stay the night and make him leave when I did in the morning. He left b/c he says he can't stop he is addicted and then called after he left to tell me he cared about me and that's why he called me back after he left.  I am so scared and confused.  I feel like I have helped him enough and don't know what else to do.  I feel like if he really cared about me he would stop.  Please give me some suggestions on what to do. Thanks!

Answer
Ashley,
I am sorry this has taken so long, I wrote you but it kept kicking me offline and I thought it sent it but it didn't.

Anyways,

You have helped him so much that you may be enabling him alittle. You can only do what you have already done but if he doesn't understand that he has an addiction you can't help him to understand that, sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before they realize it for themselves. It is unfortunate for you and for him because you are being affected by his addiction more then he is right now and you are owning it more then he is. Don't do that because it will affect your  own health.
You have to follow your gut, what is it telling you, read what you wrote me and you will see that you already know what you are asking me.
You could offer to take him to rehab but if he doesn't want to take that step then that is his choice, but understand that it is not you he doesn't care about. Right now he just can't mentally function enough to realize that he needs to care about himself enough to stop running. To do that he has to stop chasing the high long enough to stop spinning. Make sense?
Let me know if you have anymore questions or concerns and take care of yourself.
Crystal