Expert: Charles I. - 11/15/2007

Question
Hey. Not sure how easy it will be to help with this but heres my problem...i'm 19 and i started using ecstasy when i was 15. I finally stopped when i was 18. i used to take it 3-4 times a week, and would always take at least 5 pills because of my tolerance for them. i was so hooked on E that i even took it at work, and school a few times. I never got caught (thank god) but i was so dependant on it that i felt the need to take it almost every day. finally i realized i was basically killing myself. i felt unhealthy and i was watching my friends go through the same thing (they did it all the time w/me too) it took me 3 whole years of this to finally stop. Now Im 19 and ive had a full year to "recover" but i feel like i havent. is that possible? i feel like in the past few months, i have been VERY moody, my temper is HORRIBLE, and sometimes i will have panic attacks and bad anxiety. The other day my eyes all of a sudden got blurry, it was almost like i blacked out, and i went off the road and crashed my brand new SUV. i am so confused. is it possible to have delayed side effects from ecstasy? also i cannot get those 3 years of my life out of my head. I feel like i want to start taking E again, because everything reminds me of it and it crosses my mind daily. i am so afraid im going to give in and start popping pills again. any suggestions for this? i dont know what to do. thanks

Answer
Hi Rachel, thanks for your question. First I really don't know what caused your eyes to go blurry and since I'm not a doctor I won't even try to guess. I would strongly recommend that you see your family doctor about this so he can make an accurate medical evaluation and run some tests to make sure you are okay. I know you may have some reservations speaking to someone face-to-face about this but for your own personal well-being I would REALLY recommend you do this.
As far as your moodiness, anger and panic-attacks are concerned, which isn't that unusual with Ecstasy users. We are finding that there are three substances that have long-lasting effects on the brain's chemistry, especially with heavy users like yourself. These substances are alcohol, methamphetamine and ecstasy (which is a form of methamphetamine...3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine to be exact.)
Here's a quote from "Street Drugs - A drug Identification Guide 2007" (Pg. 33) "MDMA in its true form works in the brain by increasing the activity levels of at least three neurotransmitters (the chemical messengers of brain cells): serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. Like amphetamines, MDMA causes these neurotransmitters to be released from their storage sites in neurons resulting in increased brain activity. Compared to the very potent stimulant, methamphetamine, MDMA causes greater serotonin release and somewhat lesser dopamine release. Seratonin is a neurotransmitter that plays an important role in regulation of mood, sleep, pain, emotion, appetite, and other behaviors. By releasing large amounts of serotonin and also interfering with its synthesis, MDMA causes the brain to become significantly depleted of this important neurotransmitter. As a result, it takes the human brain  time to rebuild its serotonin levels. For people who take MDMA at moderate to high doses, depletion of serotonin may be long-term. These persistent deficits in serotonin are likely responsible for many of the persistent behavioral effects that their users experience. There is a growing body of evidence that associates this serotonin loss in heavy MDMA users to confusion, depression, sleep problems, persistent elevation of anxiety, aggressive and impulsive behavior and selective impairment of some working memory and attention processes."
Sorry for that long-winded explanation, but I think they say it a little better than I could. The one thing that this article doesn't mention is if the heavy E users ever fully recover (as far as their brain chemistry and function is concerned) and that answer is we just don't know! There isn't enough longitudinal research to give reliable information. Some users, in fact, may have to be prescribed medications to help their brain chemistry normalize. I'm not saying you need meds...but if the mood swings and panic-attacks continue I would, once again, strongly suggest that you speak to a doctor about how you are feeling...especially if you are going through bouts of depression.
As far as your wanting to take E again...that isn't surprising; your brain associates that substance with pleasure. Since we are pleasure seeking creatures it is normal to have these urges to use again. DON'T DO IT!!!! Any progress that your brain chemistry has made will be significantly set back by using again. One of the biggest components of addiction is psychological. You may eventually find it necessary to get some counseling to help with the psychological cravings.
If you really want to beat this, you need to have people who are willing to give you support while going through this. Can you talk to your family about this? I know that sounds crazy...but hey, we have all made bad decisions in our lives, but what truly counts is how we are trying to correct these mistakes. Having people around you who love you and who only want the best for you can be a huge help when dealing with something like this. Also, I would suggest that you check out a NA meeting...you can find a world of non-judgmental support there. In addition, it could allow you to talk to people just like yourself who have been where you are at...no one knows addiction better than an addict.
I hope this information helps you and PLEASE go see a doctor about the blurred vision to make sure this isn't a physical or neurological problem. If you have any other questions please feel free to ask.
Good Luck,
Charles