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Addiction to Drugs/Oxycontin
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Question
I apologize in advance for the length of this email...
My stepdaughter who is 19 has gotten hooked on oxycontin. She has been in rehab 3 times (right now as we speak). This time should be for 1 week. She has says to us "I promise no more....never again....I want to stop" And she did the last time for about 4 months. But has since started again. As I said she is in a treatment facility now but when she gets out (in a few days) we have questions.
1. She says she could get let out in a day - that would only be 5 days in instead of the original 7- is that anywhere near enough time in a controlled rehab environment?
2. She has lived at home with her mom and step dad and things have been pretty good - but they are so upset with her b/c she has relapsed again that they kicked her out - she stole from them as well...but I think once she gets out of rehab her priority besides staying clean should be to mend those fences with her mom and step dad...should her mom take her back in and allow her to stay there...isn't it important for her to fix her relationship with her mom so she can have more support. Wouldn't it be detrimental to have her mom be turning her back at this point of her rehab? We don't really have the space right now for my husbands daughter to actually live here, so that is why I am asking. Besides I would imagine it would not be good for her to be shuttled from house to house. Plus we live about 45 min away from her moms house and if she is set up with a sponsor and need to go to meetings - one would think she needs to be closer to home. Am I toally off base here?
3. My husbands sister, and family are in another state and my stpdaughter mentioned staying with them...great family, solid family unit, his siter has two kids that would be a great influence on my step daughter.....she wants to be out of this state and away from the temptation - could this be helpful to her?
4. In general - what steps should be taken for my step daughter when she gets out in a few days?
Thanks for your quick response!
I forgot to mention, there is Oxy C in the state where the other family is. Wherever you go, there you are. Geographics don't work.
Hi Marissa-
You know I first entered treatment at age 19 myself. I didn't get clean until age 31. My parents took me back in and continued to house me, feed me, and make life comfortable until they just couldn't take anymore and kicked me out SEVEN years later. At that point I moved in with my junkie uncle, who was living with his parents. During that time I took my parents and then my grandparents through the wringer, the whole time with a roof over my head. Most addicts don't quit until they reach rock bottom. Being offered housing while in the throes of addiction is tantamount to being coddled. Is there a chance after being put on the street she might shack up with a loser, maybe resort to awful things to get money? Yes, there are no easy solutions here. If I were the parent here, I would let her move back in only after her proving to me over a period of tome that she is serious about a clean lifestyle. The most important issue here is not housing, but your step d. recovery. Once you get a taste of a drug like Oxy c, it is extremely difficult to stay away. Being only 19 only makes it harder, a lot harder. An intense program is required. The absolte best place for her would be long term in-house treatment. I dont know where you are , but here in San Diego there are a handful of great places that will take you even if you have no money. If any program is to be successful, it will require comple willingness from your step daugter.
Good luck to all of you,
Daniel
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Answers by Expert:
Daniel A. Toth
Expertise
Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.
Experience
Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP
Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY!
This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective:
I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.
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