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Addiction to Drugs/My Son is Addicted

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Expert: - 9/9/2007


Question
A year ago, my son went in Detox for a heroin addiction and got off of it.  He relapsed about 4 months ago.  After Detox, he got into a program to take Suboxone and moved back home. However, he refuses to stop his almost daily consumption of 3 beers.  About 4 weeks ago, he got angry at a friend's house and hit the wall with his fist and broke his hand.  The doctor put him on Percocet and then later changed his perscription to Oxycodone.  Then last week, he had a bicycle accident.  He broke his jaw (his mouth is wired shut) and has a herniated disc from the jolt he took when he fell.  Of course, his pain medication continues.  He has stopped taking the Suboxone until he no longer needs meds.  (The doctor prescribing the Suboxcone is aware and agrees the Suboxone will keep the pain medication from being effective)

There are several issues we are facing here:  1.  The refusal to discontinue the drinking (he isn't drinking since the last accident) 2. He says he needs a higher dosage of the pain medication than most people would in order to handle the pain because of his past heroine usage. He is taking way too much pain medication and the doctors are reluctant to give him more.

I know he is miserable.  But needless to say, he is driving me nuts because he is wanting more meds and getting angry with the doctors.  He believes that once his injuries no longer require pain medication, he can get back on the Suboxone and life will be good again.

I am doing my best to be firm.  He can get very angry, but he doesn't hurt anyone but himself.  He shuts down or walks away if I try to caution him on the alcohol and pain medication.  Any advice?

Answer
I'm sorry for the delay- the truth is I've been putting my answer off hoping to be inspired in a creative way to convey there's not a damn thing I can do for you or your son- until he wants to change.
If I was in your situation I too would be tempted to "caution" him but what is that doing? I suspect only causing more resentment and shutting him down even more.
I'm certain your son is an addict, unfortunately he also has an injury to justify the opiates. Plus he's young- all this adds up to a very unfortunate challeging situation which you already know too well.
His life probably sucks right now and these pills are giving him the only relief he knows about. If I could talk to him I would wait for the right moment and let him know there's another way to live. I would talk about my bad habits not his, and how they dragged me down. I would let him know everyone has a special purpose here and many people never discover theres becuse of energy robbing habits.
I wish the best for both of you- just love him and don't help him hurt himself in any way. Join Alanon and share what you've told me. You will get a lot of insight and advice there.
Of course if he ever wants to talk to me, I'm available.

Best luck to both of you,
Daniel

Addiction to Drugs

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Daniel A. Toth

Expertise

Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.

Experience

Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY! This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective: I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.

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