Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 12/26/2007

Question
Hey there. My question is simple. Can an addict really ever change? Can they ever be trusted again, even in recovery? I’m married to an addict. He’s addicted to Oxycontin, cocaine and anxiety medication. I was led to believe from some of his family members that he may have also done crack however he denies it. Alcohol (beer) is his gateway. We’ve been together for five years, married for three and a half years. I am very much in love with him. He truly is a wonderful man, takes great care of me, and makes me feel deeply loved and appreciated—when he’s sober. He was prescribed Oxycontin for a lumbar fusion he underwent in 2004 and about two years ago became addicted. That’s when all of our problems started (financial, his lying, writing bad checks, stayed out all night once on a drug binge, violent behavior while “hallucinating, long periods of unemployment, serious legal problems). On more than one occasion his family, my family and my friends have asked me why I put up with it, basically telling me to leave him but I thought if I supported him and was loving he would stop the drug seeking behavior and straighten out which of course never happened. He actually went to rehab in April, stayed for only 16 days and was out doing the same things just days after being discharged. He finally just got me to the end of my rope and I kicked him out on 10/11/07. I told him not to ever come back or contact me, I filed a restraining order as he swung at me and kicked in my bedroom doors during his last cocaine high, and I basically thought I would be filing for divorce. He went on a drug binge with the last of our money, spent approx. $2400.00 in four days and then ended up in the hospital from an apparent suicide attempt. He finally asked to be sent to a very good rehabilitation center we have here and he did their program for two months. He was discharged two weeks ago. I was kept in the loop about what was going on with him from his family. He started calling me and wants to see me. From what he says he sounds like he finally hit rock bottom, realized he’s lost everything, believes in the 12 step program, and does not even crave the narcotics anymore. He says he does crave a beer now and then but he’s working the 12 step program, has a sponsor and since being discharged now attends meetings almost every day, sometimes two a day. My family and friends say he will always be a “loser”, there is no hope for a drug addict, and he will only relapse and hurt me again. So my question is do you throw away a good man and what was a great marriage before the drugs because he has a disease that brought devastation to us for two years? I have a hard time hating him, I just hate what he did. He promises that he has no urge for narcotics and only wants to prove to me that he can be the man I fell in love with again. I want nothing more than to have my husband back but I am terrified that in six months or a year or five years we might go through this again and I’m not sure I would make it through that one more time. So, my question is do addicts really change? Is there really hope for a lot of them? If I did take him back I will probably lose the support of my family and friends. They are the ones who have been with me through these two years, and then the final last incident in October, and saw my tears and financial ruin because of my husband. They don’t want to watch me go through it again. What words could I say to them to make them understand that I love him, he’s a good man who has a bad disease, and is this disease really treatable?

Please advise.

LP  

Answer
Dear LP,

Th question whether you should stay with an an addict or not is entirely up to you. An addict can ruin not only their own lives, but others as well.

You could have an agreement to reconsider your relationship AFTER he has been treated properly and AFTER you have real evidence that he is no longer using drugs.

Addicts have a real disease and it is not primarily a "mental" illness and most people seem to think.  If you want to understand my approach it is best for both of you to read my book "Getting off the Hook". It is freely available on the internet. A highly motivated drug addict should be able to treat himself, if he understands the underlying biochemistry of addiction.

Most addict have hypoglycemia that can be treated without recourse to drugs. It may take a year for drug addicts to recover fully.

Please read:

Drug Addiction is Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm...

I suggest that he be referred to a Nutritional Doctor or a Clinical Nutritionist for proper assessment and treatment.

I hope I have been of some help.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search