You are here:

Addiction to Drugs/How do I beat this?

Advertisement

Expert: - 12/9/2007


Question
Dear Expert,

I am going crazy right now.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I have hit rock bottom.  I thought I could defeat this drug on my own.  I don't smoke crack everyday, I was clean for 5 months and before that I was clean for 8 months.  How is it that I can resist my urge to smoke for only so long?  What is wrong with me?  When I am really stressed out I always slip, is this caused by my stress? What do I need to do to beat this?  I am willing to do whatever it takes to beat this drug, I am so tired of hurting my family and I am so tired of hurting myself.  Please help me understand, I feel alone, frustrated, I am tired, my soul is tired, please tell me something that can help me now, I want to change, I never want to smoke crack again, how can I beat this?

Tony

Answer
Tony- hopefully you're feeling better by now. I totally understand and can personally relate to the state you were in when you wrote this. Firstly beating yourself up is not going to help. You do however have a lot of work to do- which is essential.Every person on this planet has a shadow side- one of yours happens to be- you take a drug to try to feel good at certain times. Your "problem" just happens to be more vulgar in the eyes of many but I don't see any difference between hurting yourself and others this way or doing it by lying, legally stealing, or gossiping. Don't feel to bad- you have identified one of your bad problems and are going to do something about it.
Now there's a good chance your feeling different now than when you wrote this. Maybe feeling better (if you didn't keep using) maybe feeling stronger and determined now and back to work or whatever. This is were the danger lies. Thinking that you don't need to address your problem as much now. You need to first off- print your question to me out for future use. That misery you were feeling will be fully refunded and more nest time you use. You have to prepare now for that inevitable time when that crack monster starts knocking at your door which I guarantee he will.
A tool I use is I procrastinate the drug pick up. I get tempted at times when I have a bad back ache to take my familys pain meds (vicoden)that are always around. I'll have no temptation for months like you(or even many years) and even think I transcended my "problem" and then a number of concurrent things hit me at once; Physical pain, depressed about something, stress and then right at that moment- opportunity. Theres the bottle- I have a fucking Back ache- this would be totally justified right now- boom lets do it! at this moment I want you to STOP! read that question- utilize other tools- prayer or whatever works to help you and then put it off! tell yourself if I feel like this tomorrow- I'll smoke the biggest rock I can handle. Then I don't care if you have to curl up in a ball and cry just don't fucking smoke. The next day odds are overwhelming you'll be so grateful you didn't use! If it happens again- do the same thing! Meanwhile Tony between these episodes continue to grow as a person. Do not ever rest on your laurels. Whoever said- "when you stop learning, changing, educating yourself- you start to die" was 100% right.
Tony- you're going to beat this...if you act on what you know inside is true.

Daniel
I'm certain if I reread I'd find grammer errors- however let's focus on what's important right now!

Addiction to Drugs

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts

Volunteer

Daniel A. Toth

Expertise

Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.

Experience

Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY! This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective: I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.

©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.