Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 10/22/2007

Question
QUESTION: Recently, my Fiance and I invited a close friend of mine to stay with us in Atlanta to go to a concert.  I paid for her ticket, gas, and food etc... the WHOLE TRIP because she "had no money".  She has a history of Adderall addiction and has recently been stealing it from her sister as well as buying it from a "friend" at the college she attended.  She saw me taking my Clonazopem Sunday night and asked if she could have one.  She admitted she had taken one of her sister's adderall and needed to "calm down".  Then, I FOOLISHLY gave her one and put them back in the small compartment in my overnight bag.  She continued to obsess about wanting adderall for the next 2 days she stayed with us.  Then she left in a hurry the next day and said she was not going home but rather going to see her "friend" at the college she used to attend.  He is a known drug/ pill dealer.  I filled up her gas tank (remember "no money") and hugged her goodbye.  Then, that night, I noticed 15 of my Clonazopem were missing.  I called her and calmly confronted her while my fiance listened.  I asked her if she had taken them in order to "trade" them for adderall.  She denied it and made up several excuses which all contradicted each other.  Then she cried and said she was "going through this with her sister and couldn't BELIEVE I would accuse her".  I tried to tell her she might need professional help and she said she was insulted and had to go.  She said she understood why I thought she did this but swore to GOD she didn't.  I know that she did.  She is supposed to be in my wedding in May 2008, and now I just don't even want to be her friend.  She is close friends with the other girls in my wedding and I have only told one (my best friend) who has had adderall stolen from her by this same girl before.  She completely knows I am right, but I have told her not to say anything to anyone else.  My question is, how do I get (let's call her Tori) to confess that she took the pills and get help?  And if she won't, how can I handle being her friend when I know she lied?  She is 25 years old and lives at home.  Should I tell her Mother?  Her boyfriend?  I am OUT of ideas!

ANSWER: Hello Annie,

Your experience with your friend "Tori" is not unusual at all. Drug addicts are manipulators and liars and will do anything to get hold of their drug of addiction. They usually get away with it  because "friends" will protect them and help them, out of pity, loyalty or love.

Drug addicts will not seek treatment unless they have reached "rock bottom", meaning a threat of loss of a deeply held value, that is more valuable than  the drug of addiction.

What I am saying is that a drug addict cannot be helped unless they want to.
The end result of any assistance given to a drug addict is that they will eventually destroy their social support system and lose all their friends. They may perhaps commit a crime that will threaten to take away their freedom.

It all depends where the person's rock bottom is. Is there anything more valuable that their drugs of addiction?

The tragedy is that when they are motivated they usually are offered a treatment programs that are ineffective or based on a false understanding of what causes addictive behaviour. Most of these programs are either "faith-based" or "psychologically oriented", believing IT IS ALL IN THE MIND. Drug addiction is primarily a physiological disorder, that needs to be treated physiologically FIRST, before considering psychological aspects.

Fortunately, once they are motivated to seek treatment they can be helped by the psychonutritional approach to the treatment of drugs addiction.

Read:

Drug Addition is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello!
I understand that she needs to hit "rock bottom" and I also understand that this is a physiological problem, but I'm not sure that you answered my question.  I don't know who to tell or how I should effectively put an end to the friendship without embarassment.  The bottom line is, she stole from me, and I cannot have people in my life who behave in this manner.  I have completely stopped talking to her. I just want to know if I am correct in this thought process or if I should be trying more actively to "help".  -Annie

Answer
Annie,

If you want to stop associating with here, then all you have to communicate it to her on the grounds that you state: "The bottom line is, you stole from me, and I cannot have people in my life who behave in this manner."

If you want to continue the relationship with her in the hope of helping her, then this can also be stated truthfully and honestly. You have to state the strict conditions of the relationship by which you are both prepared to continue the relationship. You need to carefully consider the conditions (the limits and boundaries) of your relationship with her and stipulate the condition under which you are prepared to see her.

When the conditions are broken, then you should enforce the consequences of such a breach, but whatever the consequences you both are responsible for the results.

Friendship are like unwritten agreements, but yours should be very explicit if you want to continue the relationship and you must also know why.

I hope this helps.

Cheers, Jur

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search