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Addiction to Drugs/brother using heroin

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Expert: - 10/10/2007


Question
i just recently found out that my younger brother has been using heroin for the last few months.  I know that he was doing alot of oxycontin over the summer him and his best friend would sit in my parents basement and do oxy all night pretty much every night. then i thought he stopped doing it because school started again and hes been doing pretty good in school. his best friend vince moved away to college but comes back every weekend to hang out with him because they are extremely close.  but i just recently found out that vince has been doing heroin and giving it to my brother for free.  i know they are doing it every weekend at least. i also know that my brother dosent really want to do it, he just does it because its free and vince is doing it. i talked to them both about it a couple of weeks ago and they said that they know its bad and that they both are going to stop.  but last friday i was at a party and my brother was there and i saw him buying some heroin from some wierd looking kid. i really feel like hes not going to stop on his own, especially since vince cant stop either. so i really want to tell my parents.  But my parents will freak out realllly bad and they will basically ruin his social life and take away his car and not let him do anything and he will hate me for that. thye have no idea how to deal with drugs or anything illegal because they have both never done drugs so i think they would do something drastic like send him away to bootcamp or something (because theyve threatend to do that before when he was getting bad grades. but i love him so much and i cant just let it continue. im going to talk to him about it today again but i dont know what to say to him or what else i should do to make sure he stays away from it. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks

Answer
Hi there Mandie-

What an awesome sister you are.
I'm so sorry to inform you there's very little we can do here.Your brother has bought into an insidious, evil and sinister trap. Unfortunately at a young age although entirely possible it's much harder to resist the allure of this powerful poison- once you develop a taste for it. Addicts don't quit until they reach a personal bottom. Unfortunately most need to lose everything for extended periods of time- first the financial, then everything near and dear (family)and then get so beat up for years- they finally just get so sick and tired of being sick and tired before they are willing to do whatever it takes to be clean. This is if they're lucky and haven't od'd. This is the unfortunate reality of the situation your brother is in.
It might seem right now to your brother to be fun and games- but it's a dire life and death situation he's in. Many young opiate users would laugh and scoff at these warnings. Thing is- every addict starts in this seemingly harmless manner. Having "fun" with friends. Not one single heroin addict ever set's out to consciously choose this lifestyle- it always starts this way.
I myself never od'ed however I did suffer a "walking coma" for many years in fact from 19 to my 30's the best years of my life- gone. And I am one of the lucky ones as I have a life today.
Mandie- let's hope/pray for the best here but prepare for the worst. Print this out and show it to him. The only way he has a chance is to stop immediately and then develop an intense recovery program complete with tools to resist the inevitable powerful temptations that will surely come.
The bummer of boot camp pales in comparison to the life of a heroin addict. Thing is too many young addicts end up in these institutions that turn out to be just a speed bump in their addict lifestyles. It's no guarantee of anything. But it could work- no easy answers here Mandie.
The bottom line is if your brother is to stop- he needs to be willing to do WHATEVER it takes. By far the easiest route would be an in-patient, long term 12 step recovery home. These places are safe where the tools you need are drilled into you daily. Your surrounded by addicts that know exactly what your going through and understand. Typically the entire staff is comprised of addicts in recovery. This place would offer a solid foundation for rest of your brothers life- and would again be just a brief speed bump in his successfully clean life.
So IMO that would be the ideal. At the very least if he really wants to get clean Narcotics Anonymous is the best place I know. He would need to utilize every resource available including a sponsor (guide through the program and 12 steps) and working through the 12 steps.
If he's like 99% of the other young addicts out there not ready to quit- he's going to give you very resourceful and creative  reasons why you need not worry. That's the drugs talking Mandie.

Best of luck to both of you. Please let me know what happens.

Daniel  

Addiction to Drugs

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Daniel A. Toth

Expertise

Any questions related to: drug abuse,recovery and opiate withdrawal. Friends and family questions are also welcomed- however there's very little I can suggest if the person has no willingness to change.I will only answer NON- PRIVATE questions as my objective is to help as many people as possible- use a fake name. PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT QUESTIONS REGARDING DRUG TESTS OR HOW LONG YOUR DOPE WILL STAY IN YOUR SYSTEM! My energy is directed at those wishing to stop self destructing.

Experience

Fourteen years active addiction;Eleven years to cocaine and heroin.
I've used every drug I've known about except PCP Any comments are from personal experiance, and do not necesarily reflect any programs.
SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY! This was for an article in a teen magazine hence the youth perspective: I was a good kid. A diligent student with a 3.5 GPA through 9th grade. Now I was somewhat shy and didn't have a lot of friends. I discovered that by smoking weed I had instant friends. It was great at the time. All of a sudden I knew all these people, was getting invited to parties- hanging out after school getting high. Pretty soon getting high at lunch and even before school and then ditching school all together. In the beginning it was the social activity, not the "high" that was the major attraction. I just knew I would stop smoking it soon, perhaps after I got a cool girlfriend. Well then I started really enjoying the high- Having a bad day? Forget about in and get stoned. The parents getting on my case? Forget about it and get stoned. This girl I really like doesn't know I exist, better just get stoned. I found a way to great way to cope with all my problems. Well my grades started dropping, my hobbies such as all ocean activities and sports where only done high and then slowly not at all. Nothing was "cool" or important except getting high. With or without my friends. Then I was introduced to Meth or "crystal" Would I have considered it if not for my weed habit? Of course not. Plus I am just going to try it this one time. Wow! Now I could easily talk to girls. In fact I could talk and talk for hours to anyone about anything. And you know I'm one cool, smooth dude. Man I feel good. Then after it wore off I would struggle with depression and smoke a lot of weed until I got more meth. Now high school was over. I had no ambition for college but I did work in the family business. I still could hold a job with these habits. Now a friend tells me about this drug (heroin) that is just like pot except there’s no "burn out" He doesn't address it as heroin but a harmless sounding slang name. I observe him and his friends smoking this brown powder for months. They seem to be having a good time. They don't die. In fact there having more fun than I am. I wanted to try it. Just once, too see what it feels like. I would never try it again. Again it was the new friends at first and then the drug that became the major attraction. But it was o.k. because I'm going to never smoke it again after this next time. Oops, I did it again. O.K. but next week I'm going to quit for sure! Now the heroin made me feel nice, but the cocaine smoking was awesome. Plus no crash because I'll just smoke a little heroin. Before too long I was injecting a cocaine and heroin solution (speedball) into my veins as often as I could. Working did not accommodate my lifestyle. How could I work anyway in heroin withdrawal? I had to get some dope! Let’s see, my family has disowned me, I've sold everything I ever had. I've robbed every friend or family member than I had contact with. What am I going to do? Some how I got my fix every day. Not once but three or four times average. But it was still o.k. because I'm going to quit, maybe even tomorrow after I get high. I went for years thinking this way. I've been arrested many times. I even admitted myself many times to detox to get over the addiction but found myself planning my next high before I even left. I just couldn't cope with life. I didn't know how. But that won't matter, as soon as I get my fix everything will be alright. And it was..., for a little while. At this point I had long stopped kidding myself. I knew I was a hopeless addict. In fact three of my close friends overdosed and died. Another got sent to prison for years, and none of these guys did anything I didn't do. I knew I was on a dead end course to jails, institutions or death. I would put myself into one recovery home after another only to leave to get high. Why? I wasn't ready to admit I was completely powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. Only after I completely surrendered was I ready to listen to suggestions from the wonderful people in Narcotics Anonymous. (twelve step program) Today I enjoy many blessings of recovery. I have a wonderful family that loves and trusts me. I work every day, pay bills, support myself and even help others where I can. I love to travel and do as I can afford to. I still have problems but today I don't escape with artificial substances. I have learned coping skills, and realize that life isn't always wonderful but it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't want to wake up one day an old man, and wonder what I could have been. I'm going to find out! You see, I'm one of the lucky ones and am extremely grateful for that. UPDATE 5/24/2005: Relapsed with painkillers about one year ago, and have been struggling since. I have about 30 days clean as of today 5/24. It's no big mystery/shocker. I stopped doing what I needed to do (program) and made a stupid decision. A couple vicodins woke up the dragon. I'll be ok if I do what I did to get the five yrs. Good luck to all of us! 2/14/06 Doing really well today (one day at a time). I also went through and am still very much going through the most difficult thing I ever have without using any drugs. Not hiding from emotional pain today by artificial means but rather accepting my emotions as natural and moving forward. I'm focusing today on not denying my emotions but acting constructively despite. I realize today that any artificial numbing may help in escaping short term pain but then complete facilitate suffering. Today I recognize my self destructive habits.

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