Expert: Crystal - 12/12/2007

Question
my husband is a crack addict heav drinker..it got so bad he savagely beat me.. I asked court to look at situation and see if he needed to go to state hosp for drugs/drink they comitted him. on a dual diganosis..mental as well but budget cut closed this unit adn he went for just drugs..he spent 35 days there and while there he kept in touch with a gypsy woman..wnd would not speak to me..he was released did not tell me (hosp could not as he didnt sign a release) went to live with this woman..while he was in hosp i got into alaon and started seeing a therapist..I will no longer give him money and told him until he left where he was he could not count on me or his family we are all discusted..he blames me for it all will not take blame..says i am out to get him,, everyone has their opinions....I keep hoping as things get worse for him he will come to his senses.. I believe he went to this woman because he was unwilling to give up the drug using lifestyle. my question is am i doing all i can do? I hate to give up on him but i realize no i cant   contol or cure him.. do i stay the course or is there something i can say or do to bring him back?

Answer
Kristin,

I would keep seeing the therapist and going to alanon for the support that you need but don't go back to someone who doesn't understand or want to understand their addiction. As for the rest of it, I can't tell you what to do with him. I wouldn't accept blame for someone else's addiction and I wouldn't let it control who you are, you are trying harder then he is and he probably has a lot of shame right now and embarrassment that he is deal with himself which he doesn't want to face.
Work on your own well being and don't allow his wrongs to run your life or your emotions.
Good luck.