Expert: Crystal - 6/14/2007

Question
I am recently married and I love my husband more than anything in the world. My husband and I have been together over 9 years.  This past week he told me he has a problem with cocaine. I feel stupid that I should have known. I knew his friends were using but when I was around and it was offered to him he always declined.  I had thoughts but when I confronted him he always told me he wasn't doing it. He told me yesterday that he has been using occasionally for a couple of years and that recently it had gotten out of hand.  He realized he had a problem and stopped.  It has been two weeks but I feel like I have lost all trust in him.  I am questioning his every move.  He went and bought a motorcycle the other day (before I knew about the drug use).  Her felt that he could channel himself into riding with 2 friends of his that do not use.  I feel that I don't know the man I married that he was lying to me.  I have contemplated leaving him because I swore to myself that I would never be involved with someone who used drugs but I love him and want to be supportive.  He says that my questioning his ability to quit is hurting his self esteem but I can't talk to anyone but him because I am embarrassed.  Any advice.  Please!

Answer
Dana,
That is a tough one because on one hand you made a promise to yourself and then on the other you love him, so how do you balance that out for yourself and not feel like you are going against what you believe in. You need to look deep inside yourself and really look at what YOU want.
The fact that he is using a motorcycle and positive friends may be a good thing because he is trying to do what he knows to stay clean and that is positive. I would suggest to him that he not hang out with ANY of those individuals who use because that puts not only him but you at risk and the fact is, using drugs is against the law. You don't and I am sure he doesn't want anything to happen that will jeopardize your future together, if you have those individuals in your life, in your house or are anywhere with them and they are arrested you become suspect in the eyes of the law,not something you want. I promise. So take care of you and follow your heart and you gut.
Hope this helps.
Crystal